40-something teenager

Grieving and Hoping

2012-01-24T23:51:00.001-05:00

After some lighter, or less personal blog posts, tonight I am going to open up.

I am grieving tonight. Six months ago we moved from VA to Washington; and for some reason, tonight, sitting in a hotel in Kansas City, the grief finally came, pouring out in tears and sobs.

Grief over leaving my parents, my brother, my best friends, my favorite people and places and activities.

Most days I'm doing pretty well, and I do like life out in Washington, but I think it's finally hitting me that after the past nine years of being close to my parents, and my friends, and driving home to our house in the woods, and swimming in our neighborhood lake, and going to GMU basketball games, and meeting my college buddies for drinks at Fats, and going to the CAA tournament in Richmond every March--all that is gone, and I'm grieving for that.

I love my family, and my wife's family who is all nearby now. I really enjoy my job, and my new friends. I love the mountains around us. I like our small town, and the people who help care for our kids.

But I miss my life if Virginia. Just as with the other big moves in my life--going from VA to Texas, then Texas back to VA--I have said goodbye to a part of my life, a part of me. So I grieve.

Yet as I think and write and cry through my grief, my focus shifts forward, and toward those around me.

All this is enhanced because my wife has cancer, and in these early days of diagnosis and exams and consultations, we are uncertain of the future, knowing only that our lives are about to change radically.

I also realize that my life is not be about me, but about Jamie and our kids.

I am concerned for her, and hopeful for God's healing and blessing. I long to be the man God wants me to be for her. I pray that God will help me love and support her, and provide peace and strength for her and our children.

I pray and work to be able to lay down my life, to live more and more for God and my family. I look for hope of what God will do through this dark time, hope that he will bring us all through this, stronger, gentler, closer, more faithful.

I close with a prayer borrowed from my friend Mike Stavlund, whose writing often encourages and blesses me and captures the parts of my heart that I struggle to express (thank you, Mike):

God of grace and disappointments, God of kindness and pain, God of suffering and healing, God of absence and presence, God of weakness and strength, we worship you. We wrestle with you, and we honor you in all of your ways.

Meeting BJ Thomas

2012-01-15T03:19:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite songs is a cover--B.J. Thomas's version of the Hank Williams classic "I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry."

I love Thomas's voice, and have been a fan for many years.

I think the first of his songs that I knew was his biggest--"Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head," from the film Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid.

As a teen, I was always into oldies, and remember listening to "Hooked on a Feeling," "I Just Can't Help Believing" and "Another Somebody Done Somebody Wrong Song."

In 1985 I read Thomas' first book, Home Where I Belong, which chronicles his early career, battle with drugs, and his spiritual journey, as he became a Christian and sought to overcome his addiction.

While I wasn't an addict or acoholic, I read the book at a time when I was trying to move away from a life filled with drinking and partying, focusing more on God and trying to live a life that reflected Christ.

Thomas' book really spoke to me. I connected with his struggle to do the right thing in the midst of temptation and his personal demons. His faith and humility inspired me.

In my 20's and early 30's I went through a lot of ups and downs, especially in relationships. "I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry" was a song I turned to from time to time. It does such a great job of capturing the loneliness that we all feel at some time.

In the nineties, I lived in Ft. Worth, Texas, and spent a lot of time at the Ballpark in the Arlington, where the Texas Rangers played. I even worked at the Ballpark for a couple years, so I went to a lot of games.

Thomas lived in Arlington, and was a frequent guest at the Ballpark, singing the National Anthem before games several times each season. I loved to hear him sing "The Star-Spangled Banner."

In the late 90s I flew home to Virginia once or twice a year. One time I got on the plane in DC to fly back to Texas, and as I walked through first class, saw a face that looked familiar sitting in the back row of the first section.

It took me a minute to recognize the thin, almost gaunt face, deep blue eyes, and long, curly black hair; and it wasnt until I was walking past him into coach that I realized it was BJ Thomas.

I sat down thinking, "how cool was that." I wasn't shocked; I traveled a lot and was used to seeing famous people.

I used to fly in and out of Nashville a lot, and over the years have seen a lot of celebrities in airports or on airplanes--including John Voight, Charles Durning, Faye Dunaway, Amy Grant, Tom T. Hall.

But it was different with Thomas. Having grown up listening to his music, and reading his book, I felt like I knew him. As I sat in my seat, I remembered his story, and the struggles he had overcome. I looked back at my own life and thought about the path my life had taken in the years since reading Thomas' book.

A couple hours later we landed in DFW and I got off the plane, having forgotten about the famous voice in first class.

I walked to the baggage claim area and waited for my bag.

It's easy to get mesmerized watching that belt go around and around, looking for your luggage. After about ten minutes I looked up and saw that everyone had retrieved their bags and left, except for me. And BJ Thomas.

I walked over to him and said hello. I told him that I was a big fan of his music, and that I had read his book and appreciated him telling his story, sharing his struggles and faith journey.

I told him that his recording of "I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry" was beautiful; one of my all-time favorites.

Thomas was really friendly; he listened and asked a little about me. Our conversation lasted less than five minutes; his bag appeared before mine and he thanked me for my kind words and said goodbye.

I look back at that conversation every time I hear one of his songs--one of those little moments in life that isn't really a big deal, but leaves an impression, and makes those songs a little more meaningful.

Belief--from Rob Bell's last sermon at Mars Hill

2012-01-05T08:44:00.001-05:00

i write this to you because of how many of you have been
challenged about your participation in the life of this
church, often with the accusation: but what do they believe
over there at mars hill?

as if belief, getting the words right, is the highest form of
faith. Jesus came to give us life. a living, breathing, throbbing,
pulsating blow your hair back tingle your spine roll the
windows down and drive fast experience of God right
here, right now.

word taking on flesh and blood.

and so you've found yourself defending and explaining
and trying to find the words for your experience that is
fundamentally about a reality that is beyond and more than
words.

so when you find yourselves tied up in knots, having
long discussions about who believes what, a bit like
dogs doing that sniff circle when they meet on the sidewalk,
do this:

take out a cup
and some bread
and put it in the middle of the table,
and say a prayer and examine yourselves

and then make sure everybody's rent is paid and there's
food in their fridge and clothes on their backs

and then invite everybody to say
'yes' to the resurrected Christ with whatever 'yes' they
can muster in the moment and then you take that bread
and you dip it in that cup in the ancient/future hope and
trust that there is a new creation bursting forth right here
right now and

then together taste that new life and liberation and
forgiveness and as you look those people in the eyes gathered around that table from all walks of life and you see the new
humanity, sinners saved by grace, beggars who have
found bread showing the others beggars where they found it
remind yourselves that
this
is
what
you
believe.

remember, the movement is word to flesh.
beware of those who will take the flesh and want to turn it
back into words

I recently had a conversation with a pastor who would not do business with my company because we do business with another pastor, whose theology and methods he does not approve.

I deal with people all over the landscape of the Church. I have conversations with extreme fundamentalists and liberals; people who use only the King James Bible, and others who write their own translations; people in churches of thousands, people in churches of ten.

I work with Baptists, Methodists, non-denominationalists, Episcopals, Catholics, Bereans, Mennonites, Presbyterians, Pentecostals, Lutherans, Anglicans, Korean churches, Chinese churches, African-American churches, Latino churches, Emerging Churches, Reformed churches, traditional churches, contemporary churches...and dozens of others.

I see an incredible diversity in what churches put on their "statement of beliefs" pages, and think how amazing it is that all these people are reading the same bible and come up with such different interpretations, perspectives, doctrines and emphases.

I grow weary of the debates among writers and speakers and theologians, the accusations of heresy, the warnings to avoid certain writers and churches and theologies.

So I love Rob's answer to the question of belief. It's about the bread, and the cup, and the life, death and resurrection of Jesus. It's about loving God and loving people.

I am convicted that I do a poor job of this. I need to spend less time reading and thinking and debating, and more time just loving God and loving people.

Rob Bell--Jesus' Humanity

2012-01-04T00:05:00.004-05:00

More from Rob Bell's goodbye sermon at Mars Hill:

many Christians are eager to point out that
Jesus said he was the son of God and that's the wedge issue,
the crux of the faith, the divisive point you have to take a stand
on.

i believe he is. and in the same breath, i remind you that
he also referred to himself a shocking number of times as the
'son of man.' you know what 'son of man' means?

human.
now that's shocking.
take a stand on that.

what he stressed, what he thought was a big deal, what
he called himself time and time again, was son of man.

it is a big deal for a human to be divine, but if
you're looking to provoke, and if you want to focus in on
astounding claims he made about himself,
how about the mind-bendingly revolutionary claim of the
divine being human?

weeping,
spitting in mud,
eating,
drinking so much he's accused of being a drunk,
letting people clean his feet with oils,
inviting people to touch his wounded sides.

humanity, now that's interesting.
Jesus invites us into the full spectrum of human experience,
from lament to exhilaration and everything in between.

from basking in the presence of God,
to cursing at the top of your lunges from the rooftops
because God is nowhere to be found,

shrieking till you're hoarse 'my God, my God, why have
you screwed me'
now that's life.
that's real.
that's divine.

These are the kinds of thoughts that really help me connect with Jesus. Imagining his humanity--that he lived and breathed and hurt and felt and experienced all that I experience. That he, too, experienced God's presence, and the lack of God's presence--just as I do.

There are times I sense God being so close--holding me, comforting me, loving me, encouraging me, guiding me, protecting me...yet there are also times when I feel that I could shout as loud as I can, and still wonder if he hears me.

Times when life just doesn't make sense, and I wonder, "What the heck is God thinking/doing?"

Remembering that Jesus went through all of that helps tremendously. I am not alone. God doesn't just invite me to seek him, he seeks me. He became human and came to me. He took the initiative to know me and love me and be with me. wow.

Great thoughts from Rob Bell's goodbye sermon

2012-01-01T01:17:00.001-05:00

A couple days ago I listened to Rob Bell's final message to Mars Hill. I love listening to Rob--his voice adds passion and wonder to his words. I posted a link to this message on my facebook page, but suggest you get the podcast and listen, rather than just read.

I thought I'd share a few parts of his message that spoke to me:

this church, this place, this community, was once simply a
hunch. a dream. a vision.

a picture in the mind of a new kind of church for the new world we find ourselves in.

a church that was fearless in confronting the injustices and systems of oppression that lurk around every corner and at the very same time deeply committed to the personal, intimate experience of following Jesus, of experiencing the joy and peace that transcends space and time.

a church that found the stale, old categories of liberal and conservative boring and irrelevant because we'd experienced resurrection, which includes and affirms anything and everything that brings liberating, new life wherever it's found irrespective of whatever labels and categories it's been given because of an abiding conviction that the
tomb is,
after all,
empty.

a church where the main thing was actually the main thing.
a church that understood that there is a simplicity on the other side
of complexity,

aware of all of the various interpretations
and theological perspectives and complicated systems of thinking and analyzing

and yet with a clear, resolute sense that Jesus is doing something in the world, bringing water to the thirsty, food to the hungry, peace to the restless, presence to the lonely

and we are invited to join his movement.

that Jesus is ultimately not a proposition you intellectually assent to but a person you say 'yes' to.

I love Bell's messages. This last part, which I put in bold, is an important piece for all of us--whatever labels describe our theology. We easily get caught up in thinking, intellectualizing, arguing, debating, defending, and questioning--our beliefs, our interpretations, our preferences...

I need to remember that what is most important is knowing, experiencing, following, pursuing, longing for, crying out to, imitating, and living in Jesus.

It's not about what I think about Jesus, but how I relate to Jesus. And it seems that as I get older, this doesn't become easier, as I used to think it would. My always-present questions about life, death, God, the Bible, people, religion, everything, make my pursuit of Jesus more challenging than ever.

So while my understanding might not be as simple as it used to, I want to grow in my ability to say "yes" to Jesus, no matter what.

Christmas Emotions

2011-12-22T01:41:00.000-05:00

You always hear about how the holidays are an emotional time. Times like this seem to enhance whatever we are feeling. Those who are grieving loss, feel it even deeper; those who are experiencing joy are even more excited.

Tonight I spent some time reflecting how I am feeling a lot of different emotions at once. During the past week I have felt humbled, proud, nervous, grateful, angry, defeated, determined, happy, peaceful, anxious, eager, and tired. That's probably not it, but all I can think of now.

Getting into basketball season reminds me how much I miss my friends in Virginia. I miss going to GMU's games with the guys. I miss Andy's goofy sense of humor. I miss just sitting with the guys, feeling so great about everything in life.

I miss my parents, and my brother, and all my friends in VA.

But I also love our life here. I got a promotion at work last week--my boss has shown me a lot of trust and been pleased with my work, and is giving me more responsibility. I am excited about that.

I really enjoy the people I work with, and the challenges of my job, and the feeling of accomplishment.

I am having a blast with my kids. I love going to work, and I love coming home.

Jamie and I are having fun with her family--having people over for dinner, hosting game nights, being able to get together with people spontaneously.

We are stressed about Christmas, still last minute shopping to do; but it will come together.

In the midst of the time when everything is supposed to be about Jesus, it's so easy to get busy and push him to the backburner.

So I pause tonight to seek Him.

In gratitude to God, empowered by the Spirit,
let us strive to serve Christ in our daily tasks
and to live holy and joyful lives,
even as we watch for God’s new heaven and new earth,
praying: Come, Lord Jesus!
—from A Brief Statement of Faith

Advent--Preparation

2011-12-15T01:05:00.002-05:00

"A voice of one calling in thewilderness,
      'Prepare the way for the Lord,
      make straight paths for him.
     Everyvalley shall be filled in,
       every mountain and hill made low.
       The crooked roads shall become straight,
       the rough ways smooth.
     And allpeople will see God's salvation.' " (Luke 3: 4-6, TNIV)

Preparation

How do weprepare for the one who is coming? How do we prepare to celebrate the birth ofJesus?

Life isfull of preparation. It seems like we spend a lot more time preparing thandoing. We spend our childhood preparing for adulthood—what do you think we aredoing in school? Twelve years, then four or more in college. Why?

Preparingto be an adult, a contributing member of society. For the first 20 years of life,we’re not really doing anything, just preparing for what comes next.

Many ofus spend our early adult years preparing for marriage and parenthood. We’re outon our own, taking responsibility, learning how to be a grown up.

Once wehave a job and a family, we spend time preparing for our kids’ future, andretirement--working, saving, investing, thinking about what we will do when we’re older.

In churchwe read, study, and serve, preparing to do what God wants us to do.

But noneof that preparation compares to the preparation in which we now find ourselves.For now we are talking about preparing ourselves for the coming of Jesus.

It’s thetime when we celebrate who God is in our lives, and what God has done; but evenmore, we look ahead at the celebration of what is to be as we follow him, bothin this life, and the life to come.

Truecelebration doesn’t just happen. It takes preparation. Think of the joyfultimes in life, and the preparation involved there. The greatest day of my lifewas my wedding day.

Jamie andI were engaged for eight months. There was a lot of work that went intoplanning the wedding. We didn’t want it to be perfect, but we did want it to befun. We wanted it to be a celebration, and for everyone to enjoy themselves asmuch as we did!

So weplanned and talked and dreamed. We went to other weddings and learned what weliked and what we didn’t.

Frombeginning to end, we planned for it to be a day of celebration. A lot of peopletold us it was the best wedding they been to. The ceremony was beautiful—we hadmusic that was meaningful—Ash’s favorite song, Jamie’s mom played violin,her sister Marty sang.

Ashleywas a big part of the ceremony, as we made vows to her, and invited her toparticipate on the stage with us.

While wewere taking pictures, our guests were already eating and laughing and listeningto music. Once we joined the reception, there was dancing, great food, andwonderful cake. The whole day was a celebration! It was great, because weprepared for it.

I thinkthe second greatest day of my life was the day Brady was born. I got Ashley atseven—she was already trained. I didn’t have to prepare to welcome her intothis world. But with Brady, it was a brand new experience. I read books,watched videos, went to child-birth classes, talked to other dads…

When daycame, I was as ready as can be. I’m emotional, and started crying about fiveminutes before he actually came out—and for a while after! What a celebration!

Boththose events were great; and were made greater by the preparation that wentinto them!

In less than two weeks we celebrate the biggest event in history—theIncarnation. The event where God took human form, being born as a baby. We needto prepare to celebrate His coming.

" And allpeople will see God's salvation. " (TNIV)

This isthe goal of Jesus coming. Not to celebrate a holiday. Not to give and receivepresents. Not to sing carols and eat great food.

Not todraw close to family and watch It’s a Wonderful Life. Not to decorate the tree anddrink eggnog. These are all Christmas traditions; and they arewonderful.

But the goal is for all people to see God’s salvation!

When weprepare ourselves for the coming Jesus, we see Him more clearly, through allthe distractions of modern Christmas. We celebrate Him, and not all the otherstuff that Christmas has become about.

When wefocus on Him and not all the cultural trappings of Christmas, we also helpothers see what Christmas is really about. While I love the joy of Christmasmorning, I think I love this time of preparing, and looking, and expecting,almost as much.

Help me select a new blog title

2011-12-14T00:11:00.001-05:00

It's been a long day--Brady was sick with a fever so I stayed home with him and Cash (I figure with Cash in preschool for 8 hours most days, I'd keep him at home with me, too).

Good day, but tiring.

I'm not going to attempt to write anything tonight...but I have been thinking that I don't like the title of my blog anymore. I have no new ideas, but want to brainstorm. Here are some words/ideas that go through my mind these days. I'm open to any and all suggestions--doesn't have to be a complete title, but even partial thoughts and ideas. Thanks!

asking, seeking, searching, learning, wondering, working, playing, wrestling...

not much tonight. I'll come back to it tomorrow.

Great fiction--newest Stephen King

2011-12-12T22:30:00.000-05:00

I recently read Stephen King's latest novel, 11/22/63. It's about a guy who goes back in time to try and stop the JFK assassination. (More about this book later). But reading it, and thinking about it after, I was thinking about how I grew up with Stephen King.

OK, not literally, he has no idea who I am. But I grew up with him, or actually, his books. My memory continues to fade as I get older, but I remember my first King book--The Shining.

I was in seventh grade. I remember sitting in art class hiding my book under the table and reading--I couldn't put it down as I followed Jack Torrence's dark journey to insanity.

I remember being afraid to turn the lights out at night, as images of the Overlook Hotel filled my mind.

When I finished The Shining, I went to the library and read King's two other books at the time, Carrie, and Salem's Lot. Both were terrifying--yet fascinating.

It wasn't just about being scared. King drew me into the stories, into the lives, the towns, the relationships of the characters he created. They were just so real.

Since then, year in and year out, I have read every book King has published. Over 60 in the last 35 years. I remember the anticipation each time I learned a new book was coming.

I remember getting absolutely lost in the post-apocalyptic world of The Stand--still my favorite of King's books. I go back and read it again every few years.

I remember feeling like a kid again in Eyes of the Dragon, King's beautiful nod to the traditional fairy tale.

And every few years, for the last 30, I have traveled through Mid-World with Roland, on his quest in the Dark Tower series.

I remember the thrill of discovering there were more King books out there, secretly published under another name. I had one of the first editions of Thinner, published before people discovered Richard Bachman was King. I remember the excitement of finally getting a copy of The Bachman Books.

I have experienced joy, wonder, amazement, fear, anger, and peace as I lived through each of King's stories.

I have had dozens of conversations over the years with people who think King only writes horror. I love telling people that don't read his work (especially those who piously say, "His stories are evil,") that he wrote the books on which the films Shawshank Redemption, Stand By Me, and The Green Mile were based.

Not horror or evil at all, but stories of love and loss and perseverance and beauty and life and death and hope. And that's the bottom line in all of King's stories. Hope. Hope that there is more to life than my pain and struggle. Hope that love really will conquer. Hope that good really will win out over evil.

If you have never read any of King's books, you are missing one of the greatest storytellers of our generation. Give him a shot, I promise you won't regret it.

Here is my current ranking (because it may change based on my mood) of my top 5 Stephen King books:

1. The Stand
2. The Talisman (written with Peter Straub)
3. The Shining
4. The Eyes of the Dragon
5. The Green Mile

Getting back to where I started, 11/22/63 is probably in my top 10; in time I'll be better able to assess it's place in the body of King's work. But right now, I think it's the best thing he's written in 15 years. While the premise sounds like science fiction, it's really a love story, and a very good one. And the conclusion is one of King's absolute best--a beautiful, haunting, perfect ending.

I'd love to hear from other King fans--what are your top 5?

God in our differences

2011-12-11T20:30:00.000-05:00

So two months have gone by, and I haven't written a thing. Which means any readers that were hanging around are probably gone. I've promised and committed to start writing again too many times.

So I'll just say I'm writing today, and I may or may not write tomorrow. or next week.

I always struggle with what to write. Not because I don't have any ideas, and not because I don't know how to express them, but because in this world where everything is accessible, I do sometimes worry about how what I say will be taken by some.

When I peruse my friends list on Facebook, I see that I have an incredibly diverse group of people who I consider friends (or at least acquaintances, or people I'm interested in or curious about or respect or admire--or just like to see what crazy stuff they say).

I also work in a job where I network and build relationships with people from all over the landscape of American church life.

Recently I had two phone conversations at work--doing my job of networking and trying to get to know people and learn how Logos can help them,

The first conversation was with a gentlemen who works for a very conservative para-church ministry. They are very dogmatic, and somewhat controversial in their methods. Their faith perspective is very black and white.

I do not read the Bible the same way this gentleman does. He would probably consider some of my views heretical. I believe his heart is good, and that he longs to follow God, but I don't agree with some of the ways he perceives God, faith, salvation, and doctrine.

After I got off the phone with this gentlemen, I called a woman who teaches in a progressive seminary. She is an older African-American woman who has achieved a lot in ministry and education.

She told me some of her story, the things she has fought for, the adventures God has led her on. I loved listening to her, and felt a spiritual connection.

I'm pretty sure my theology is much closer to hers than to the gentleman I talked with earlier. Near the end of our conversation, after we had developed some trust and comfort with each other, she told me that she had googled me before we spoke, and that what she found helped her be open and trusting with me.

After we talked, I thought about that. I am pretty sure that if the first gentleman I spoke with had googled me, he would not have been very positive about some of what he found.

I once had a church revoke in invitation to serve as an interim pastor after reading some of my blog posts on religion and politics a couple years ago.

All this makes me cautious about what I say, knowing anyone could read it. I don't really care if people disagree with me personally, (although I want to make sure I am always communicating in love, and not judging those who disagree with me).

But I do want to be careful to not alienate people with whom I work and network.

I had a conversation today that spoke to this topic. A family member who is a talented musician was recently asked by a Catholic church to work there part-time providing music in worship.

Another family member became very upset when they heard this. I don't know what was said, but I think that this person has a very negative view of the Catholic church and was concerned for the other person's spiritual well-being if they did anything for or with a Catholic church. The second relative urged the first to not take the job.

This is the kind of stuff that makes me wonder. There are thousands of Christian denominations. Not hundreds, but THOUSANDS.

Each one believes that they honestly and accurately seek and follow God as directed by the Bible. Each one does it a little differently. There are a lot of smaller differences, and a lot of huge differences among churches and denominations.

I've written about this before, but it's still on my mind. I believe more and more that God is far more OK with our differences and disagreements than we are. I believe God is big enough and forgiving enough and patient enough and accepting enough to put up with all our conflict and confusion.

And personally, I believe he is OK with our questions and doubts and confusion; probably even more than he is with our certainty and dogmatism and determination.

My faith has more questions than answers these days.

I am dealing with this as we search for a church. This morning in worship, as we sang carols and hymns, I sensed God's spirit more than I have in a while.

Yesterday, at a day of training with my team at work--made up of conservatives and liberals (well, at least one--me), Calvanists and dispensationalists, baptists and sort-of-charismatics--I experienced God's presence.

I sensed his joy and laughter at this room full of very different people, with different views of God, working to get to know one another, learn from each other, and accomplish goals together.

I think God might be more present in our differences and diversity than He is in our uniformity and agreement.

back into baseball

2011-10-02T01:53:00.000-05:00

Last Saturday I got back on the baseball field for the first time in over two months. I love umpiring baseball. It's a great part-time job, but I don't do it for the money. I do it because I love the game.

After time with my family--the baseball field is one of the places I most love. I love being on the field, under the sunshine, smelling the fresh grass, listening to the kids laugh and play and compete.

It's almost like I have a relationship with the game. I played baseball as a kid and loved it--but I wasn't going to have a long career (I was a great catcher, but a lousy hitter).

I umpired Little League when I was in high school, and really enjoyed it.

In my 30s, I decided to get back into it. I actually looked into going to professional umpiring school in Florida, but was told I was too old to ever make it to the majors. So Durwood Merrill, a retired MLB umpire, suggested I get into high school baseball.

I umpired for several years in Texas, and had a wonderful time. I had good training, and got really good at it. But in 2002 I moved back to Virginia. I intended to get into baseball there, but life got really busy, fast. I started working in a new ministry, met Jamie, and soon we were engaged.

A year later we were married, and soon after started having more kids. Baseball kept getting put on hold.

I remember driving home on spring evenings, and seeing the lights on at the baseball field at the local high school. Each time I felt a longing to be out on the field, in the game.

After seven years away from baseball, I finally got back into it when I was out of work and we needed any money I could earn.

I joined the local association and began working as much as I could. I got good training, and was soon getting as much work as I wanted. It was wonderful to be back on the field, working, learning, getting better.

I spent two years umpiring in Virginia. Again, I got good training, and developed a really good reputation. I got a lot of good games, including some good playoffs.

Then we decided to move to Washington, where I'm starting over again.

It went well Saturday. The games were fun, the weather perfect. I quickly felt comfortable, even after 2 months off the field.

So once again, I'm in a new chapter of life. We've found a home, and I'm settling into my job, and our routines with work and school. Hopefully baseball will be a part of that as we move forward in our new lives.

What I Do

2011-09-23T00:57:00.001-05:00

I've spent most of my adult life in jobs that were pretty easy to explain--pastor, teacher, security guard, pizza delivery guy, baseball umpire...

But two months ago we moved to Washington where I got a job as a Ministry Development Negotiator for Logos Bible Software. I've had many conversations with friends and family members where I try to explain what that means. Heck, I didn't even really know what all it entailed until I was a couple weeks into the job!

So I'm going to take some time now to explain what I do. If you're not that interested, feel free to stop reading now.

First some background on Logos. You can read more detail here on the Logos website; and this video gives a good feel for what the company is like.

This video shows what Logos's products can do.

Logos makes an amazing product--it's not just Bible software (although it is the best Bible software out there), it is a huge library of over 17,000 resources, instantly available because of the incredible technology.

I wish I'd had Logos in seminary.

My department, Ministry Development, works primarily to connect with conferences, churches, and schools to present Logos to groups of people and show them how Logos can make a huge difference in their ministries and studies.

Logos has a publishing arm. Writers can publish their work digitally through Logos.

So what do I do? I co-lead a team of people who try to partner with organizations, setting up opportunities for Logos to present, sell, and train people to use Logos.

I spend a lot of time on the phone talking with pastors, professors, seminary deans, conference coordinators. Listening, getting to know them, helping show them how Logos can help them.

I write a lot of emails. I record a lot of data. I talk with members of my team, learning from each other, encouraging one another, laughing together.

I work most of the time with a guy who is both very different from me (he's conservative, I'm liberal. He's a talker, I'm a listener. He's a Cowboy fan, I'm a Redskin fan); but also somewhat similar. We love sports, movies, fatherhood, and have similar senses of humor.

I work long days; usually 9-10 hours. But I'm so busy, and there is so much variety, that most days go by very quickly. I always feel like I need to get more done, but I have done a good job of leaving work at the office and letting it go when I'm home.

I enjoy going to work in the mornings. I go in early--usually leave about 5:30--and listen to yesterday's Mike and Mike podcast as I drive.

I get off about 3/3:30, and pick up the kids from school. Twice a week we watch Ashley play soccer for her high school.

Life is busy and fun these days.

six weeks into the move

2011-09-08T23:36:00.000-05:00

I'm still here. The last six weeks have been a whirlwind. I was talking with a good friend back home in Virginia a few days ago, and after I caught him up on everything we've done since moving to Washington, he was amazed.

I hadn't thought about how much change and activity such a transition involves; but after some reflection, I'm amazed at how much has happened in just 45 days...

We packed up everything we own and drove 3000 miles across the country. As Brady loves to tell, we drove through 11 states: Virginia, Tennessee, Kentucky, Illinois, Missouri, Kansas, Colorado, Wyoming, Montana, Idaho and Washington.

We unloaded almost everything into a storage facility, and took the essentials to Jamie's mother's house. I started work at Logos on July 25.

We went to the Logos company picnic in Fernwood--great time.

We went camping with a couple other families--wonderful time relaxing on the Nooksack River--tubing, cooking s'mores, riding 4-wheelers...

We went to two fairs--the Skagit County Fair, and the Northwest Washington Fair in Lyndon. We had a blast looking at horses and cows, eating great/awful fair food, listening to fun music and riding scary rides.

Ashley joined up with a local travel soccer team and played in a weekend tournament.

We enjoyed great food at A Taste of Bellingham.

We have visited three different churches so far.

Jamie has attended a wedding and a funeral.

We found a great daycare/preschool for Cash, and for Brady before and after school.

We got Brady enrolled at the only 5-day kindergarten in town.

We looked at several houses and found the perfect one. We signed a lease and move in Sept. 15!

Ashley tried out for soccer at Burlington-Edison High School and made the JV team. They are 1-1. She's a superstar.

I went to my first Mariners game when my friend Dale came up from Texas for a visit. They lost to the Angels 4-3.

We drove up Mt. Baker and played in the snow near the top on an 80 degree Saturday.

We got approved for the sale of our home back in VA, then found out our buyer lost his loan; so we're back on the market.

I have settled into my job, accomplishing some neat things, and getting more leadership responsibilities.

We are enjoying family here, missing family and friends in Virginia, loving the beauty and summer weather of the Northwest. It still hasn't really sunk in that we live here, but I'm sure it will over time.

I'm glad that I get to keep in touch with people--thanks for the encouragement.

A New Life

2011-07-27T23:49:00.003-05:00

I'm three days into my new job at Logos Bible Software, and I'm really enjoying it. It's been a challenging week--I'm still getting used to west coast time and weather (absolutely perfect one day, cool and cloudy/rainy the next).

I've been fighting a cold all week--tired and congested--but I'm drinking tea nonstop and pushing through.

Work is going really well. I'm kind of on information overload; but excited about what I am learning, and about what I'm going to be doing. I will be searching for and connecting with people with conferences, churches, ministries, universities, seminaries, denominations--building relationships and looking for ways that Logos can partner with them and help people with Bible study, theological research, sermon prep, etc. The potential is huge to help people and help Logos achieve more.

I am working on a team with some great people--young and eager and fun to be around. I'm the old guy in the group, but as always, I never feel that much older.

We are getting settled into Jamie's mom's house, she has been very generous in giving us lots of space and helping us feel at home.

The boys are getting adjusted--having fun playing with their cousin Ira and getting to know some kids in the neighborhood.

It's been an eventful month--lots of stress, lots of fun, lots of change. But I am at peace. Each day I leave Logos and take a scenic drive down I-5, surrounded by beautiful mountains on both sides. I go home to an amazing family, and thank God for my fantastic life!

In Washington

2011-07-22T23:54:00.000-05:00

The last three days have been kind of a blur and a whirlwind. Tuesday we arrived in Buffalo, Wyoming, to visit Jamie's sister Marty, her husband Harv, and their four kids. We had Elk and Antelope for dinner--really good! The boys had a blast playing with their cousins.

On Wednesday I left Buffalo, WY at 6 AM and drove 1030 miles to our new home in Burlington, WA. Long, long day; but a very beautiful drive. Montana was gorgeous; I've never seen such beautiful country. I took my time and stopped every couple hours to eat or fill the car.

Idaho was really beautiful as well. Eastern Washington reminded me of Kansas, pretty flat and not much to see, but I drove through it at sunset, so the sky was amazing.

It was a long day; I got into Burlington at 1 AM.

It was also a very emotional day. As I began, I reflected on everything we were leaving--our home, my family, friends, the boys' preschool, Ashley's school...and started to think, "What the heck are we doing?!"

The magnitude of the change we are going through fully hit me for the first time, and I was feeling pretty anxious. But after a while I calmed down, and started looking ahead. I thought about new opportunities for relationships, ministry, places to go and new things to do.

My anxiety eased and I began to feel something else--hope.
Hope that God is going to take care of us, even through all the confusion and uncertainty.
Hope that we will all get along well while staying with Grandma Vicki (who has been incredibly generous with her home).
Hope that we will find the right place to live.
Hope that Jamie will get a good working situation (transferring with Starbucks).
Hope that I will like and succeed at my job.
Hope that we will find a church that is right for all of us.
Hope that Ashley will like her new school and make good friends.
Hope that the boys will adjust, and that we'll find a preschool for Cash.
Hope that Brady will enjoy kindergarten.
Hope that we will build deeper relationships with family here.
Hope that we will enjoy a new life in a new place.

Thursday, my brother-in-law Chad and I met the mover and we unloaded the truck at the storage facility. One of the guys that we hired to help unload was a former professional wrestler named Mark Lewin. (For you wrestling fans, here's a video of Lewin wresting Ric Flair in the early 80s.)

I spent much of Thursday and Friday unpacking and putting my stuff away. I spent some time with Chad and Linde and their son Ira; Chad was a huge help these last couple days. Grandma Vicki had us all over for dinner Thursday.

Jamie and the boys got in late Friday night; it was a great reunion. Grandma gave everyone the tour of her house (she has done an incredible amount of work and sacrificed a lot so that we can have comfortable space for all of us).

We're still incomplete--Ashley will arrive from Texas on Wednesday. Then the whole family will begin our new life together in Washington!

One prayer request--we are all struggling with colds (my voice went out; I could hardly speak yesterday). Hoping to feel better when I start my new job Monday!

Day 5--Heat and Great Pie

2011-07-19T09:28:00.000-05:00

The temperature as we crossed Kansas was 103. Yesterday we started in Hays, KS; crossed into Colorado; turned right at Denver and headed north. We stopped for the night in Cheyenne, Wyoming. Kansas may have some neat places and things to do and see, but none of them are near I-70. It was pretty flat and plain all the way across--about 400 miles.

I spent most of the day by myself in the Civic, with Jamie and Grandpa Lyle in the van with the boys. We stopped at a McDonald's and let the boys play and run around.

Once we got settled in the hotel in Cheyenne, Grandpa Lyle took us to dinner at the Village Inn, where they serve "The Best Pies in America." (They've even copyrighted the phrase.) It was really nice to get away from fast food and microwaved leftovers and eat a good meal around the table. Thanks, Grandpa!

The boys had a really good day yesterday, and everyone went to sleep pretty quickly.

Today we will drive about 4 hours to Buffalo, Wyoming, and visit Jamie's sister Marty, her husband Harv, and their four children.

Tomorrow (Wednesday) will get interesting. We found out yesterday the movers will be in Burlington Thursday morning. We had planned to arrive Thursday night, but are now altering the plan.

After spending the night in Buffalo, we are going to split up. I'm going to get up early Wednesday and drive straight through to Burlington, arriving there late Wednesday night.

Jamie, Grandpa Lyle, and the boys will take their time, stopping halfway for the night, and arriving in Burlington Thursday evening.

I'll miss everyone else for those two days, but will enjoy the alone time while driving!

So far we've driven 1881 miles. More than halfway!

Day 4--In the middle

2011-07-18T01:08:00.001-05:00

We are in Kansas, right in the middle of the country, and about halfway to our new home. Got a slow start today--Cash woke up about 4 AM with a bad cough. We gave him a couple inhalers and we was able to go back to sleep.

We drove through the rest of Missouri and into Kansas. We had planned to go north at Kansas City, but there are some roads out because of flooding, so we are going west instead, all the way across Kansas, into Colorado, and north at Denver.

It was really hot today--almost 100. Kansas is flat, and not really exciting, but parts of it are pretty. A lot of it is still wide open; I thought of Laura Ingalls Wilder's Little House on the Prairie, and imagined that parts of what I saw probably looked the same as they did when the Ingalls built their home in the middle of the prairie.

We made it to Hays, KS, before stopping. Grandpa Lyle, the boys and I swam for a while, then we came in, ate, and everyone went to bed.

Everyone is getting a little tired and grumpy from the traveling, and being cooped up in the van and hotel rooms together. Jamie and I take turns driving the Civic--that gives us a little alone time.

I'm hoping tomorrow we can kind of take it easy, and try to make it halfway to Buffalo, Wyoming, where we will visit Jamie's sister Marty and her family, hopefully on Tuesday.

I had a great conversation with Ashley tonight; she is visiting her father's family in Texas. She had a great time at a wedding yesterday, and is now spending some time with her grandmother. We all miss her and can't wait for her to rejoin us in Washington!

Move--Day 3

2011-07-16T23:40:00.001-05:00

Fading fast; long day. Got up and had breakfast (Krispy Kremes) with Grandma Dorothy (my grandmother) in Nashville, then hit the road--up through Northwest TN, into Kentucky, Illinois, and Missouri.

It was great seeing Grandma, but hard saying goodbye.

We had lunch at a Steak 'n Shake in Illinois, then found a park to play in for a while. The boys did great.

We were hoping to make it to Kansas City, but didn't. We stopped in Kingdom City, about about 140 miles short. Try to make up some distance tomorrow.

Jamie fixed a great dinner with leftover brisket and chili; we swam a little in the hotel pool, now off to bed.

Enjoying the driving, but I'm tired.

Cross country, day 2

2011-07-15T22:53:00.000-05:00

(Reprinted from our family blog)

After a challenging few days, we are finally on the road. I think the last 10% of our stuff took longer to pack than the first 90%. We had help from several friends, and Grandpa Lyle (Jamie's dad) was a huge help. With the help of some friends, we finished up at our house at about 2 AM Thursday morning, went to my parents' house to sleep, and left Northern VA about 2 PM that afternoon.

Saying goodbye to my parents was really hard. As we all began hugging, Cash went up to Grandma Helen and said, "I'm going to miss you so much." Everyone started crying. I am so thankful for Mom and Jerry!

We drove to Wytheville, VA the first day and spent the night at a Comfort Inn. It was a nice drive--I was by myself in the Civic (well, the cat was with me), while Jamie, Grandpa Lyle and the boys were in the van. I got caught up on Mike and Mike and Stuck in the 80's podcasts.

We stopped at a rest area and played baseball; then had a nice dinner at Cracker Barrel.

I saw a beautiful sight while driving around Blacksburg. The sun was going down in the distance, the sky was full of different shades of reds and yellows. Jamie, Lyle and the boys were ahead of me in the van. At one point they were the only vehicle in my sight, driving up a hill with the sunset as background, they drove under a bridge that framed them like a beautiful piece of art.

Today we got up and had breakfast at the hotel, then hit the road. This time I was in the van with Grandpa Lyle and the boys; Jamie drove the Civic. We stopped a few times for gas and food and restrooms, and got to Nashville late in the afternoon.

We had a wonderful dinner with Grandma Dorothy and Aunt Sheila, then came back to the hotel where I took the boys swimming. Everyone is in bed; I'm going to follow soon.

Tomorrow we hope to get to Columbia, MO.

What I leave behind

2011-07-04T11:49:00.004-05:00

For about the fourth time in my life, I begin a new chapter, a new season. The first was going into the army after high school. The second was moving to Texas after college. I spent ten years in Texas, teaching, umpiring baseball, doing ministry, growing up, having fun.

The third was leaving my life in Texas and going back to Virginia, to a new job, some old friends, my parents, and a new role--husband and father.

Now, nine years after beginning this chapter, I start a new one. Moving as far as possible while still being in the continental US--2,837 miles to Burlington, WA. I've written, and will write more, about why we are going, what I will be doing there, etc.

But today, I write about what I leave behind. Why, even though I am excited about the new adventure, leaving Virginia is probably the hardest thing I've ever done.

Nine years ago, when I left Fort Worth, that was the most difficult change I'd ever made. This is bigger, harder, more challenging. Nine years ago I was single, and was going home. I loved Texas, and enjoyed my decade there, but while leaving many friends and my church, I was coming home--to my parents, my college friends, the place where I grew up.

Now I leave for a place that I have enjoyed visiting, but has never been home. I've spent 34 of my 46 years in Virginia. I left twice (for the Army, and grad school), but always come back. I probably won't come back to Virginia this time (except to visit). Of course nothing is certain, but it there's a good chance that this is my last big move.

We'll probably raise our boys in Washington. When Cash graduates high school, I'll be 60.

So this parting seems bigger. More permanent. The things I leave behind are things I will probably never come back to, except to visit.

I will miss Virginia, the place. The trees, parks, beaches, mountains.

I will miss the places I love to eat. I will miss Hard Times Cafe, and Carrabba's, Fat Tuesday's, Penny Lane, and ice cream at Gary's and Carl's.

I will miss DC--the stadiums, the museums, the history.

I will miss downtown Fredericksburg, a place I used to walk around with my dad.

I will miss driving through Dale City, where I grew up.

I will miss the campus at GMU, where I spent 4 years as a student, then another 4 as a campus pastor.

I will miss the churches in Virginia that have impacted me--Parkwood Baptist, FBC-Alexandria, New Hope Church, Convergence, Waterford Baptist Church, and Little River Baptist Church.

I will miss Leland, where I learned to think about God and theology in ways that finally made sense to me. Where I made great friends and had wonderful discussions.

I will miss Kings Dominion, where I laughed and played as a teenager, and where I experienced joys of fatherhood while riding and swimming and laughing with my children.

I will miss Northfork Camp in Front Royal--camping out, swimming and tubing on the river, relaxing by the fire with my parents, my wife, and my kids.

I will miss the house I grew up in. My mother and step-dad are still there, 38 years after we first moved in. I walked through the house the other day, looking at the room I grew up in. The walls that were covered with my posters, the window that looked out at my elementary school. Wherever I have gone, that house has always been home.

And I will miss this house where I now sit, writing in the dark. The first house that Jamie and I moved into together. Where our two boys first lived. I will miss the gravel roads, and the trees, and the lake where I first took our boys swimming. I will miss the backyard where we have had cookouts and picnics, played baseball and burned leaves.

I will miss this house which has become home over the last seven years.

But more than any of this, I will miss people. I will miss the people who have encouraged me and supported me; some over the past nine years, some for much longer.

I will miss my basketball buddies--Kenny, Andy, and Johnny (and more recently, Mark and Jerry). For ten years we have cheered the Patriots at almost every home game. We traveled to Richmond each spring to watch GMU in the CAA conference tournament. Those weekends were some of the best of my life.

I will miss my Leland friends--too many to name--but especially Josh, Tom, Seth and April.

Dozens of fantastic ministers I met and worked with through NorthStar and its churches...

Dear friends through New Hope and Convergence...

Teachers I enjoyed working with at North Stafford and Mountain View...

Great guys I got to know through umpiring in northern VA...

And some who have been there for much longer than this last season in Virginia--Dan, Elise, Mike, Rusty, Bryan--people I have been close to for half my life or more.

My brother Eric, with whom I've grown closer over the years; I'll miss our times talking, eating, and watching UFC together.

My step-brother and step-sister, and their families--people I love and enjoy seeing when we can.

And of course, most of all, Mom and Jerry, who have loved me unconditionally, who have supported and encouraged us, and always been there for us. It will be strange to live so far from them, and I will miss them terribly.

Next week I leave many of the people and places and things that have made me who I am. I am already grieving over that. I have shed a few tears and know I will shed more in the days to come. But I am also excited to take all of that with me, to a new town, a new job, new ministries, new relationships, and new opportunities.

And the sadness over leaving is made a little easier knowing that God, and the people closest to me, most important to me--my bride and my three amazing children--will be with me through this new adventure.

Great day

2011-06-24T07:00:00.006-05:00

(This same post, with more pictures, is on our family blog, which is by invitation only. If you'd like an invitation, just let me know.)

Every once in a while I have what I call best days; days where something happens that makes me so thankful to be alive. Days with memories I want to capture and hold onto and rejoice in. Days when I sit back and thank God for how blessed I am. These days usually involve tears of joy at some point.

Yesterday (Wednesday) was a really rough day. I spent a couple hours bringing everything down from the attic. We had twice as much as Jamie and I expected; the house is filled with stuff--Jamie is going through everything, deciding what we can get rid of at a yard sale.

I was sweaty and smelly and exhausted before breakfast. Then we had several moving companies come give us estimates, and discovered we can't afford to hire movers.

The boys were hungry for attention since we were so busy, and acted up a lot.

One of the cars was in the shop, and our usually reliable mechanic didn't get it done on time. (He did make up for it by loaning us a car).

But today....TODAY was as good as they get. A few days ago I got an email from the Nationals advertising $1 kids tickets, and decided to take the boys to their first major league game. Ironically, they were hosting the Seattle Mariners, who will be our hometown team in a couple weeks.

My step-dad Jerry joined us. I was nervous to begin, the forecasters were calling for thunderstorms; which would not be good, because 1--Brady would go nuts if the game were canceled, and 2--Brady is deathly afraid of thunder and lightning. (A couple years ago we were at a soccer game when we heard and felt the biggest and loudest thunderclap I've ever experienced. I think it traumatized Brady.)

But the day was perfect--cloudy, so it wasn't too hot; with an occasional cool breeze. We parked close to the ballpark and walked down the street where you can see into the park--the boys were amazed at how big it was. We stopped and the boys high-fived a couple of the Presidents on the way in.

We bought another hat so both the boys had Nationals hats. Once inside we walked around, looking at everything. Our seats were in the top deck so we took the escalator up. We found some picnic tables on a porch overlooking left field and sat down to eat. The boys were in awe of the view.

At game time we went to our seats to watch. While living in Texas I became a Rangers' fan, and my favorite player was Ivan Rodriguez (Pudge). It's so cool that he is now with the Nationals. He's not the regular catcher anymore, but plays once or twice a week. Brady has come to like him as well, and we were thrilled that he got the start.

The game was great--a pitchers duel that went quickly. Brady has learned all the players' names and was cheering them on. He understands the game and loves to talk about it as we watch. His enthusiasm is so much fun.

Cash wasn't as interested in the game, but liked all the sights and activity, and did really well. They took turns sitting on my lap and Grandpa's, or sitting in their own seats. Cash lay down to rest for a while.

We ate sandwiches and grapes and trail mix and cotton candy. I neglected to watch Cash with the trail mix; after a while I discovered he left all the nuts and raisins and was picking out all the M&Ms.

After the 7th inning we moved down to the lower level and found seats really close to the field. The boys loved being that close, and it was really exciting when the Nats loaded the bases and won 1-0 on a sacrifice fly in the bottom of the ninth.

After a rough Wednesday, Thursday was a perfect day. Several times I just sat back and looked at Jerry and the boys, the game, the park, and was filled with joy. And yes, there were a couple tears.

Why Washington?

2011-06-21T21:40:00.006-05:00

Several days ago I said I'd write about the desire/calling/inspiration to go to Washington. Here goes.

In 2004 we went to Washington on vacation. I fell in love with it. It wasn't any one thing in particular, but more the way I felt there. I liked the landscape--it felt wide open, light, relaxed. I loved the mountains, the endless fields of berries and potatoes, the beautiful water. I even liked the rain, which cools things off rather than leaving a hot, muggy feeling.

I love Virginia; it has been home since I was a baby. I left twice (once for the Army, the other for grad school in Texas), but each time I came back. The second time, after ten years in Fort Worth, I found my wife, who is from Washington.

It was about a year after we married that we traveled to Northwest Washington to see where she grew up. And though I love Virginia, I felt something I'd never experienced while I was in Washington. A sense of home. A feeling as if God were saying, "This is home."

I am not one who says, "God told me..." I've never heard God's voice, or had a revelation that clearly revealed God's will about something.

But there have a been a handful of times when I have sensed God's spirit leading me in something, or planting a seed in my mind.

One time came while in Texas. I had been teaching for a year at Heritage Christian Academy. I prayed and thought about quitting my job to pursue something else, and wasn't getting a clear indication of what I should do. I quit my job, and immediately the uncertainty left and I had a clear, strong feeling that I had done the wrong thing.

It didn't go away, so a few days later I went to my boss, told her I had been wrong, that I believed I was supposed to stay at the school. She agreed, and took me back, and I taught there for five more wonderful years.

Anyway, in Washington, I had a sense that God was showing me where we were to be. I didn't know how or when. When we came back to Virginia, I told Jamie about my "feeling" or "impression."

She wasn't too interested. She didn't really have a desire to go back to Washington; she wanted to be in Colorado. I didn't push it; and the feeling kind of went to the back of my mind when we got back into life in VA.

A couple years later we went to Washington to visit again. And that same feeling came back, strong, clear, obvious. Home. This is home. This is where we belong.

I told Jamie, "Remember that feeling I had a couple years ago, that maybe we are supposed to be in Washington? I got it again last time we were there."

This time, her response was different; "You know what, I was kind of feeling the same thing, too."

I was in my seventeenth year of grad school, and didn't think my journey would survive another transfer, so we decided to stay at least until I finished my MDiv. But both of us were now thinking about moving across the country to Washington.

In the last couple years Jamie's desire to move has grown. Mine has stayed steady; I have just been waiting for the right time. We thought it was going to happen last year when I interviewed with a church in Anacortes, but it didn't.

So we tried again this year, and the pieces have fallen into place. Several people encouraged me to look at Logos Bible Software as a potential employer. My sister-in-law Linde sent me a link to the job for which I was eventually hired.

It wasn't easy; the application/interviewing process involved one video interview, two trips to Washington, and several weeks of negotiating before it was settled. Now we are in the midst of packing and selling off unnecessary stuff and figuring out how to move our family of five and all our belongings 3000 miles.

Exciting and scary. But we believe we're going where we are supposed to be.

Next up--what we leave behind. That's gonna be a hard one to write.

End of a season

2011-06-21T12:27:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I mentioned seasons of life. I spent some time looking at my life's seasons. They tend to match my location; seems I keep moving and starting new chapters both internally and externally.

My former pastor Harold Bullock talked of a man's life being broken down into decades. I don't remember exactly what he said, but I think this is close:

In your 20's, you're learning to be a man, in your 30's you're getting established, raising a family; in your 40's you're hitting your stride, growing as a leader... I'm a little behind that schedule, but my seasons have all lasted about ten years:

18-27--growing up. I spent two years in the army, then 4.5 in college, then two doing youth ministry. I learned. I experimented. I was pretty selfish. I got into ministry and discovered that I loved working with people.

27-37--The Texas years. A lot of trial-and-error. Trying different things. Still growing up. I went to seminary for a while, then dropped out. I worked several jobs, the main one as a high school English teacher. I loved it. I also worked with special-needs children, sold souvenirs for the Texas Rangers, and umpired high school baseball.

I faced and dealt with my immaturity and selfishness. I grew up some more, had some big ups and downs. I had a challenging and beautiful relationship with God during that time.

37-46--The season of change. Moved from TX back to VA. Got back into seminary (and finally graduated!) Got married. Bought a house. Had three children. Lost my father. Had some great (and sometimes frustrating) experiences in ministry. Still learning to be a husband.

These last nine years have been amazing. After twenty years of living on my own, responsible only for myself; I've quickly become responsible for a family of five. Sometimes I think, "whoa! How did that happen?!"

But I wouldn't change a thing. My wife continues to help me be a better person (the whole iron sharpens iron thing. We have some pretty great sword-fights :-)

My kids have taught me to be selfless. To put others first. We have struggled financially. But we love each other. We have fun together. We have family and friends who have helped us through difficult times. Even in the midst of life's challenges and frustrations, I often look at my wife and kids, and our home, and think how about great I've got it.

It is scary to see this season end. I've become pretty comfortable--my parents are close by and always willing to help. I've got fantastic friends who encourage and support me. I have a season ticket to GMU basketball. I've been fortunate to do work I love doing in both teaching and ministry.

In three weeks we'll drive west and begin a new season. We'll move to a place I've visited but never lived, where I know only a few people and a new job that will be exciting and challenging. We'll search for a new church. I'll learn the new job, and start with a new umpiring organization. We'll meet new neighbors and make new friends, and find new places to shop and eat and play.

While it's both exciting and scary, I am OK. I've got my wife and my kids, Jamie's parents, and Chad and Linde (and Ira). I've already made a few friends out there. thanks to Skype, we can talk to everyone here whenever we want.

And most of all, God is with us. God who has blessed us and protected us through it all. God who loves us more than anything. I look forward to seeing where God takes me in this new season.

Tomorrow I'll write about my first visit to Washington, and the very beginning of this big move.

spiritual diversity

2011-06-21T10:44:00.000-05:00

This is a post that I thought Blogger had lost several weeks ago. Although I finished blogging through my thoughts on the book (Brian McLaren's A New Kind of Christianity), I'm posting this, since I already wrote it.

Brian McLaren on differences in church—denominations, structures, etc.:

What if the Christian faith is supposed to exist in a variety of forms rather than just one imperial one? What if it is both more stable and more agile—more responsive to the Holy Spirit—when it exists in these many forms? And what if, instead of arguing about which form is correct and legitimate, we were to honor, appreciate, and validate one another and see ourselves as servants of one grander mission, apostles of one greater message, seekers on one ultimate quest? That, I’d say, sounds like a new kind of Christianity. (A New Kind of Christianity, p. 164)

I've mentioned before that it saddens me how divided the Church is--thousands of churches and denominations; conflict and debate about issues big and small. I myself am often guilty of pride when I compare my faith/theology to that of others. But maybe diversity doesn't have to mean division. I think Brian is on to something really important here.

Most churches are pretty uniform--check out any church website--and most of them will have a pretty detailed statement of beliefs. I feel like if I don't agree with each of their statements, I won't fit in there. One of the things I loved about pastoring at Convergence, and look forward to in church again, is a group of people with various backgrounds and perspectives coming together--sharing ideas and experiences, working together to live out God's Kingdom.

Remembering Clarence Clemons

2011-06-21T08:48:00.000-05:00

I've linked to several tributes to Clarence Clemons on facebook and twitter this week. This has hit me really hard. Those who know me know that I am a huge Springsteen and E Street Band fan. They have been a part of my life since my friend Jeff first introduced them to me in 1983. I saw my first concert in 1984.

For almost 30 years, I have bought each album they put out, and seen almost every tour they've done. I saw them for the tenth time in 2008 with my daughter Ashley. My most recent concert was in 2009 with my friend Kenny (my most frequent date to Bruce shows; I think that was our fifth together).

The music that Bruce and Clarence made was a crucial part of the soundtrack of my life. Their music is always the most-played on my ipod, and the concerts are amazing, spiritually uplifting experiences.

A few months ago I read Clarence's book, Big Man: Real Life and Tall Tales. It was wonderful, and helped me better know the man whose music I've enjoyed over the years.

So when Clarence died last week, I felt like I'd lost a friend; someone who had been involved in my life for a long time. I was driving home late at night when my friend Andy called and told me. I put some Springsteen on the ipod and listened to the beautiful sounds of Clarence's sax as I grieved.

Clarence's death also impacted my boys. Brady and Cash love listening to the Bruce and the Band--on itunes and watching concert videos. (If you've never seen London Calling: Live in Hyde Park, check it out. In my opinion, the best Springsteen concert video.)

Brady has a toy saxophone; he and Cash (on drums or guitar) love playing along with the band. When Clarence had the stroke a week ago, I told the boys he was sick, and we prayed for Clarence. They prayed for him every day last week, so Sunday morning I had to tell them he had died.

Brady responded really well. He said, "Clarence is in heaven now right?"
"Yes," I said.
"So he's with Jesus now. He's OK. And someday, I'll get to see him!"

A little later, when Cash woke up, I heard this exchange:

Brady: We have some sad news. Someone died yesterday. Do you know who?
Cash: No.
Brady: Clarence died yesterday. He's in heaven now.
Cash: Why?
Brady: Sometimes people die when they are sick and they don't get better.

The boys rebounded from their grief a lot faster than I did. We have been listening to Clarence for the last couple days.

I remember something Clarence said in his book, about Danny Federici, E Street Band member who passed away in 2008: "I will miss him every day that I am alive."

I hope you are free and at peace and still making amazing music, Big Man.

Leaving Mountain View

2011-06-20T08:32:00.004-05:00

I'm pretty up and down today. I am in the closing out process at school--I spent this school year substitute teaching at Mountain View High School. I was fortunate to get two long-term jobs this year--one in English, the other in earth science.

I enjoyed riding to school with Ashley (and having her drive this past month!) We got some good time together; it was great being in the same school together. She is so much fun to be with, has a great sense of humor, and is getting smarter every day.

Side note--I just got Ashley's transcript for her freshman year. She took eight classes (five of them honors/advanced), and finished with 6 A's and 2 B's. She's so awesome!

I'm excited about our move, but I will miss coming here each day; this has been a great place to work. The two years since leaving my last regular job have been difficult, but being here at Mountain View has been wonderful. I have enjoyed getting to know so many of the students, and feeling like part of a team, especially with the English teachers.

(Today is also tough because I'm grieving the loss of Clarence Clemons. I'll write about that later, in another post.)

So I will miss this fantastic group of teachers I've been able to work with. I will miss laughing and sharing stories with the students. I will miss watching Ashley play soccer, and her friends, and her coaches. I will miss getting up every day and going into the school, knowing I could make a difference in the lives of some young people. I will miss the crazy clothes and styles, talking to some of the guys about football and baseball, and re-reading great literature like Gatsby and Mockingbird.

As I get older I understand more the idea of seasons that my former pastor Harold talked about. Life is made up of seasons, some longer than others; each one shaping who we are, and preparing us for what's next.

So while I will miss much about this past year, I am grateful that I got this season. Rather than regret leaving here; I will be glad for this past year--the friendships, the conversations, the memories.

My season at Mountain View was short, but very sweet. I will smile whenever I think of this time. And that's something to be thankful for.

Tomorrow I'll write about the larger season of my last nine years in Virginia.

Going west

2011-06-19T09:47:00.004-05:00

Bellingham, WA, where I will be working

On July 12 we will head west for Burlington, WA, for our next big adventure. I will be working for Logos Bible Software in ministry development--building relationships with people at conferences, seminaries, churches, denominations, and universities; to discover and share how Logos can help them.

We have been hoping and praying about moving to Washington for years, and now the opportunity has come. Jamie will transfer to a Starbucks out there, and we will live with Jamie's mother until we find our own place.

While it is hard to leave family and friends in Virginia, we are excited about living close to Jamie's family and many old friends. Our plan is to pack over the next three weeks, have the movers pick up everything on July 11, and we will roll out on July 12.

Over the next few days I am going to write about the move--the process, the decision, and our thoughts and feelings about such a big change.

Breathe

2011-06-02T07:57:00.004-05:00

I haven't written in a few weeks; just been really busy, and a lot going on with decisions we have to make for the future. I can't really say a lot now, but I needed to write, just to get some things out there.

Too often, it's not until I get into stressful situations that I realize how lazy I have been in my relationship with God. My journey over the last 10 years has taken me to a place where I have a lot of questions these days, where I wrestle with things rather than just find an answer.

Why is this happening? What is God doing? What should I be doing? How do I make this decision? ... these have been running through my mind for the last month.

I'm trying to focus on the "What is God doing" question, specifically in the present. Not wondering about the decision I need to make next week, but what I need to do today to move me toward that.

What do I need to talk with my wife about at this point? How can I best love her and value her and learn from her, with where we are today? How can I best love and teach my kids today, especially when I'm stressed and short-tempered?

How can I breathe, relax, let go, and be myself; trusting God for today?

Simply pausing long enough to write this out helps. As I often do when stressed (and now is one of those times--big time), I ponder the good: an amazing family that blesses me every minute of every day, a job I love going to (even though it's short-term, I love it today!), baseball, friends, a great network of people praying for us and supporting us, weddings (I had one a couple weeks ago, and another this weekend), sports to watch (Go Mavs!), books to read (Dallas Willard's The Divine Conspiracy), good TV (watching Rescue Me on Netflix).

Next week may be stressful; heck, tomorrow will probably be. But today I'm enjoying all the great things in life, and trying to give tomorrow to God.

another question about hell

2011-05-17T21:13:00.003-05:00

From Brian McLaren's A New Kind of Christian:

Religious determinists have offered us another determinism we could call the “soul-sort” universe: everyone will be sorted into either the destruction/damnation or the redemption/salvation bin. Everyone is determined to end up in one or the other. That sounds good if you’re one of the chosen few, but, then again, how could good and generous people rest in peace or celebrate in bliss when they know the majority of their ancestors, friends, family members, and descendants are experiencing eternal conscious torment in hell? (p. 195)

This is a question I have really begun to wrestle with. There is no easy answer, and it’s not a debate that’s going to be settled anytime soon. But I think it is an important conversation to have—to think, share ideas, listen, ponder, read, study, wonder…It’s one of those issues that isn’t as black and white as we may want it to be.

Brian asks an interesting question in a recent blog post, responding to a question about whether or not Osama bin Laden is in hell: “Do we fear that God will be excessively merciful or excessively harsh?”

Thoughts, anyone?

Brian McLaren on church

2011-05-14T23:07:00.004-05:00

From A New Kind of Christianity:

The church, then, in Paul’s mind, must be above all a school of love. If it’s not that, it’s nothing,. Its goal is not simply to pump knowledge into people, but to train them in the “way of love,” so they may do the “work of the Lord,” empowered by the Holy Spirit, as the embodiment of Christ. Perhaps school isn’t the best metaphor, though, unless we think of a karate school or a dance school or a language school—not simply a community where you learn or learn about, but where you learn to. (p.170)

Too often we think of church as a place to impart information, rather than a group of people who walk through life together. The types of schools Brian gave as examples are schools that are more about doing something, as well as learning something. The knowledge we often gain in church does little more than make us feel better about ourselves, or more sure of our position (and as a result, more critical of others).

Church should be a group of people who “do life together.” People committed to looking beyond themselves to the community and world around them, striving to establish God's kingdom and helping make the lives of others a little better.

common ground

2011-05-13T23:08:00.003-05:00

With all the differences within the Church, what is the one common mission or message?

“To form Christ-like people, people of Christ-like love.” (A New Kind of Christian, p. 164)

Yesterday I posted a passage (which Blogger lost, and I don't have the book with the quote anymore) about diversity in churches and denominations, and how that can be a good thing. So if we celebrate diversity instead of judging or criticizing those who are different, what do we focus on? What do we seek as common ground? It’s easy to focus on the differences, but what do we have in common?

Instead of making sure that others have the right theology; what if we simply love them as Christ loves them, and walk by their side as they go through life. What if we allow the Holy Spirit to teach and grow and correct?

I’m not saying we never teach or disagree or offer correction to someone else. But we should do it in a spirit of humility, not arrogance; remembering that there are times when we may not be right, or have the only valid perspective. Our focus should be to love one another, and let God do the molding and shaping. I notice that anytime I get too focused on what I think God wants to do in someone else’s life, I lose sight of what God may be doing in my life.

Gospel of the Kingdom (more from Brian McLaren)

2011-05-11T10:31:00.006-05:00

In A New Kind of Christian, Brian McLaren describes a conversation with a well-known Evangelical theologian:

(he) upset years of theological certainty with one provocative statement: “Most Evangelicals haven’t got the foggiest notion of what the gospel really is.” He then asked me how I would define the gospel, and I answered as any good Romans Protestant would, quoting Romans. He followed up with this simple but annoying rhetorical question: “You’re quoting Paul. Shouldn’t you let Jesus define the gospel?” When I gave him a quizzical look, he asked, “What was the gospel according to Jesus?” A little humiliated, I mumbled something akin to “You tell me,” and he replied, “For Jesus, the gospel was very clear: The Kingdom of God is at hand. That’s the gospel according to Jesus. Right?” I again mumbled something, maybe “I guess so.” Seeing my lack of conviction, he added, “Shouldn’t you read Paul in light of Jesus, instead of reading Jesus in light of Paul?

--p. 137-138

I think the theologian Brian refers to is Dallas Willard. I heard Dallas talk about this several years ago, and was really impacted by his ideas about the Kingdom.

I think many of us have elevated the writings attributed to Paul above the words of Jesus in the NT. Paul is more black and white, easier to understand and apply. But Jesus’ words, while not always as clear and straightforward, reveal first-hand the heart of God.

Much of the language we use in our modern (and post-modern) Christian culture is not found in the Bible; rather, it is language that comes from our interpretations of the Bible—“personal Lord and Savior,” “make a commitment to Christ,” “the sinner’s prayer.”

In applying such language, we have simplified the Gospel to this: Jesus died on the cross and was resurrected for one purpose—so that those who decide to follow/accept/receive Him will live in heaven forever when they die.

While that is a core belief for Christians, and it is truly good news, it is not necessarily the good news that Jesus proclaimed. We have the idea that the Gospel is about us, about how we can overcome death and go to heaven. But when we look at the words of Jesus, it seems that His priority was his kingdom, and living it out on earth. This is important because it helps us take our focus off ourselves and put it onto others.

Much of our traditional language about the Gospel is focused on our response and reward—we accept Jesus, believe in him, profess him, and obey him—all so that he will be with us, bless us, protect us, and most of all, save us from hell.

But Jesus was most concerned with us learning how to be faithful to him, and living life focused on others. His main message was to love God and serve our neighbor, to do what we can to make the world a better place.

In this I fall terribly short. Especially over the last couple years, as I have tried to keep my family above water financially, finish my MDiv, and look for the next job/ministry/adventure. I have become very self-absorbed. I realize that I do very little to contribute to God’s Kingdom beyond my family and friends.

We are in a period of transition—there will be some new things coming soon for us as a family. I am hopeful that we can have a kind of fresh start, and commit as a family to be more involved in helping to live out God’s Kingdom in our community.

random thoughts

2011-05-06T22:55:00.004-05:00

Just some random thoughts on a Friday night. It was a good week; worked at Mountain View most of the week--fun in PE class (whiffle ball), English, Chemistry.

Had some good and bad baseball this week. A fun, come from behind win by the home team in a local varsity game tonight; and a 15-1 private school blowout yesterday. The language in baseball is pretty rough, even in high school. At least at the private schools, they preface the profanity with prayer; ie. "Jesus Christ, I didn't hit that worth sh*t!"

Tonight I was standing near the plate between innings, looking up at the sky--it was beautiful. We had rain earlier, now it was clearing up, the sun was going down, and the sky was filled with scattered clouds and rays of sunshine breaking through. Just then, three old airplanes flew over the field (there is an old air-field nearby). Watching those planes fly across the sky, with the clouds and the colors of the sunset behind, was breathtaking.

I stood there thinking how great my life is. Even in stressful times, I am blessed with a family that fills me with joy, a home, great friends, and baseball. I love baseball season. I love umpiring. 2 games tomorrow; better get to bed.

Seeing through the Bible

2011-05-05T21:28:00.004-05:00

more from A New Kind of Christian by Brian McLaren:

…seeing Christ as the hinge of the biblical story, the spine or backbone of the narrative, the climax and focal point toward which the Old Testament points and ascends and the peak from which the vigor and vitality of the New Testament flow. This is how Jesus can be seen, for Christians, as the supreme and ultimate revelation of God, with the Old and New Testaments pointing to him like dual spotlights…

Don’t simply look at the Bible, I am suggesting; look through the Bible to look at Jesus, and you will see the character of God shining radiant and full. (p. 118)

In his gospel, John identifies Jesus as the Word. Yet today, when we refer to the Word, we are almost always talking about the Bible. Is this wise? Is it accurate? Do we run the risk of worshiping the Bible instead of Jesus? The Bible is not the goal—Jesus is. The Bible is an amazing collection of writings that all tell the story of God and His relationship with His people. It is a great tool or resource to help us learn about and connect with God; and we believe that God communicates through it; but it is not God.

To live according to the Word…I want this to mean that I live in intimate relationship with Jesus. Reading the Bible, studying it, praying it, living in it--helps me in my relationship with Jesus; not by telling me what and what not to do, but by revealing the heart of God, seen through his interactions with his people over thousands of years, and embodied in the life and teachings of His son, Jesus.

The Bible helps me better see God’s heart, God’s desires for my life, God’s hopes for the world we live in. The Bible comforts me when I am hurting, encourages me to be the man God wants me to be, challenges me when I need it, and most of all, shows me the amazing, endless, perfect love of the God behind the words and stories.

retreat

2011-04-28T09:03:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I got to spend some time on a pastors' retreat with a group of guys from Christ the King Community Church in Washington. CTK has done a great job of creating a multi-site church where several local congregations are connected to the church/network for resources, leadership, etc.

It was great to be a part of the meeting--I got to hear much of their history, how things are going, and where they are headed. CTK currently has 21 congregations in Washington, 9 in other states (from Idaho to Florida to Texas, and several other states), 2 in Canada, and multiple groups in India, Kenya, South Africa, Philippines, and Pakistan.

It was beautiful to see the openness of these pastors sharing some of their stories (the good, the bad, and the ugly); being real and honest, in what is probably the only place they can do that. I was impressed with these guys from different backgrounds, different personalities, different life experiences, all working together to impact their communities for Christ.

Dave Browning, who leads CTK, has written some great books--I read Deliberate Simplicity last year and and recommend it to all pastors and church leaders.

In the midst of a fun but somewhat stressful week, it was great to spend the afternoon with this group, being both challenged and encouraged about life, ministry, church, and family.

new friends

2011-04-26T02:13:00.007-05:00

Today was a really great day. I met some new people, and spent several hours in really good conversation. I'm on spring break, and the pace of life has slowed down a bit. I am reminded that when life gets so busy and rushed, we miss opportunities to slow down and really listen to someone.

Today I met several new people--two of whom are newlyweds (always fun to be around them, they are so full of joy), and spent several hours talking with a new friend; a guy who took time out of his busy day to spend with me. It's encouraging when you talk and realize that others have similar experiences, have been through similar struggles, and are experiencing similar joys and challenges.

That's when I experience God's Kingdom, people living life together and encouraging one another. I love seeing how God works in people's lives and blesses them. And I feel God's blessing when I get to be a part of those conversations and experiences.

dark day

2011-04-23T07:55:00.003-05:00

Yesterday was a dark day. Yes, it was Good Friday, the day we remember Jesus' crucifixion, in anticipation of His resurrection.

But on a more temporal level, it was a dark day because Jim Larranaga resigned as coach of George Mason's basketball team to take the head coaching job at the University of Miami.

Coach L was at Mason for 14 years and did amazing things for the program, including leading them to the Final Four in the greatest run in tournament history, culminating with an overtime victory over #1 UConn.

I've had season tickets with several of my best friends for the past 9 years. Basketball season is my favorite time of the year. At the end of each season, we go to Richmond for the conference tournament, where we stay in a hotel and act like we're in college again for the weekend. It is something I look forward to all year long.

Coach L leaving hit me really hard yesterday; I will grieve this for a while--it feels like losing a close friend. We had one of the very best coaches in the country.

But it is a good reminder that life is full of changes. So I'll grieve, but also look ahead, and I'll always root for Mason.

Images for Good Friday

2011-04-22T05:04:00.006-05:00

Some images for reflection on Good Friday. We used these in worship at Convergence a few years ago. (I'm sorry I don't have title and artist info.)

Jesus like God, or God like Jesus

2011-04-22T03:24:00.001-05:00

More from A New Kind of Christianity by Brian McLaren:

Elton Trueblood: “The historic Christian doctrine of the divinity of Christ does not simply mean that Jesus is like God. It is far more radical than that. It means that God is like Jesus.”

In other words, the doctrines of the incarnation and deity of Christ are meant to tell us that we cannot start with a predetermined, set-in-stone idea of God derived from the rest of the Bible and then extend that to Jesus. Jesus is not intended merely to fit into those predetermined categories; he is intended instead to explode them, transform them, alter them forever, and bring us to a new evolutionary level in our understanding of God. An old definition of God does not define Jesus—the experience of God in Jesus requires a brand-new definition or understanding of God. (p.114)

This was really interesting to me. I realized that I have always seen Jesus as somehow less than or smaller than God. I've had this idea of God that is big and wide and incomprehensible, but my understanding of Jesus was simpler, more finite.

Thinking this through over the last few days has started to turn that around in my mind…Jesus, in a way, seems even more complete than God the Father, in the sense that he is something new, or more—he is also human. He takes physical form. He embodies everything God is, not just on a spiritual level, but also on a physical level.

Jesus is God, and He contains everything that is God. What is God like? God is like Jesus. All the things that Jesus said. All the things that he did. That’s God.

Now, I know all of this is perception--God is not "less than" anything. And my growing understanding is still very far from truly comprehending God. But my perception of God/Jesus is very important in defining how I relate to God, Jesus, and everyone else. Lately I'm thinking that the Bible is not so much about telling me how to live my life, as it is about helping me to know God better, more personally, more intimately. And that's what Jesus helps me do--as I read of his life in the Bible, as I pray, as I strive to live out his love for God and for people.

Maundy Thursday Prayer

2011-04-21T11:46:00.002-05:00

A Prayer for Maundy Thursday:

On this holy night we dine together as the body of Christ, and at the table commit ourselves to love and serve one another. On this holy night, then, let us pray for the church and all humankind.

God our provider, you feed us with the bread of life and lift for us the cup of salvation, on this night Jesus gave us this holy feast:

may all who gather at your table receive a foretaste of the eternal banquet.

God of love
grant our prayer.

Servant God, on this night Jesus washed his disciples' feet: may we follow this example of love and service.

God of love
grant our prayer.

God of compassion, on this night Jesus prayed for those who would believe through the message of the disciples: may those who gathered on this day to renew their ordination vows so live what they proclaim that all may come to know your saving love.

God of love
grant our prayer.

God of renewal, on this day oil was consecrated for use in baptism and healing: we pray for all who will be anointed with these holy oils, for the sick, and for those preparing for baptism.

God of love
grant our prayer.

God our companion, we pray for those unable to eat at the Lord's Table or at any other table, for those who betray and for those betrayed, and for all innocent victims.

God of love
grant our prayer.

God of hope, remember all those in need, especially those we silently hold before you now ...

God of love
grant our prayer.

Holy God,
you give us this meal of bread and wine
in which we celebrate your great compassion;
grant that we may work with you to fulfil our prayers,
and to love and serve others as Christ has loved us;
this we ask through Jesus Christ our Redeemer,
who is alive with you in the unity of the Holy Spirit,
one God, now and for ever. Amen.

using the Bible

2011-04-20T19:42:00.006-05:00

Album cover from Arcade Fire's Neon Bible

From Brian McLaren's A New Kind of Christianity:

God’s character is never revealed fully at any single point in the story, nor can it be contained simply in any list of propositions or adjectives derived from the stories of the past. Instead, we can only discern God’s character in a mature way from the vantage point of the end of the story, seen in the light of the story of Jesus. (114)

We do our listeners, our readers, the Bible and ourselves a disservice when we make pronouncements or judgments based on one verse or passage or situation or event. We’ve got to see the big picture—everything leading up to Jesus, and everything following seen in light of Jesus’ life and teaching.

Too often we use the Bible to say what we want it to say. Usually what we want to say is good, but we need to realize and communicate that what we say comes from us, not directly from God. Even our words that come from God’s Word, are filtered through us, and we bring our own stuff to them.

Another mistake we often make is to find several different, unrelated passages, written by different people, which speak to our subject, and put them all together as if they all say the same thing.

A big trend in church is the use of topical sermons. They can be great, but it is really difficult to avoid proof-texting when writing a topical sermon. What often happens is this, we pick a topic, look for Bible passages that address that topic (either directly, or though indirect interpretation); then put together a message based on the 3 or 4 points found.

How often do we hear a message (accompanied by a fill-in-the-blank outline) that uses 7 Scripture passages from 5 different books (and 5 authors) of the Bible, with 3 different Bible translations? I'm not trying to be critical, and truth is, I've done this plenty of times myself.

But when we use Scripture this way, we’re not engaging the Biblical text on its own terms, or seeing it in its own context. It becomes too easy to use Bible verses to support our ideas, rather than letting the Bible form the basis of our ideas. We limit the texts’ ability to say something new or enlightening. This is easy to do when we see the Bible as a constitution, not so much when we see it as an inspired library.

This is one of the beautiful things about using a structure or outline such as a lectionary for preaching. It allows a community to work through the Bible, and challenges the preacher to read and teach the whole Bible, listening to how God speaks through all of it. It also leads to fresh, exciting new insights for both the preacher and the congregation.

thoughts from Brian McLaren's A New Kind of Christianity--a posture of wonder

2011-04-19T05:11:00.012-05:00

Could it be that God’s Word intends not to give us easy answers and shortcuts to confidence and authority, but rather to reduce us, again and again, to a posture of wonder, humility, rebuke, and smallness in the face of the unknown?

The “us” in the previous sentence raises another question. Do we have a voice in the biblical drama? In other words, does the Bible tell us to shut up and listen, because everything is settled? Or does it invite us to be part of the conversation? (p. 93)

I love this. Digging deeper, seeking to know Jesus through the Bible, doesn’t lead us to theological supremacy, but to spiritual humility. And as Brian illustrates using the story of Job, we do have a voice in the biblical drama. The Bible comes alive as I interact with Jesus—reading, praying, listening, processing, wondering, applying, imagining.

God didn’t make us in God's image so we would shut up, listen, and obey; but so that we could interact with God, relate to God, grow in God.

I think of my children, especially my two youngest. At 3 and 4, they know very little of me. They don’t know all the things I do and think and feel. They don’t know my hopes and dreams for their lives. They don’t understand all the little things I do to teach and train and encourage them to grow into healthy young men. They know very little about all that happens behind the scenes, when they are not watching.

But they know that I love them, with a fierce love that would do anything for them. They know I miss them when I’m gone, and that I am filled with joy when I return to them. They know they can depend on me to protect them and provide for them. They know I am there for them, no matter what.

That’s the love God has for me. There is so much about God that I don’t yet get. I have a lot of questions. But I believe God loves me. I believe God is working behind the scenes in a million ways that I don’t get. I believe that God is with me and for me the same way I am with and for my kids (times a million). Wow.

reading through A New Kind of Christianity--clarity and mystery

2011-04-18T18:32:00.005-05:00

(not sure what I'm trying to say with this image, but it is rather thought-provoking)

From A New Kind of Christianity by Brian McLaren:

Does the Bible alone provide enough clarity to resolve all questions, as a good constitution should? No. We have no reason to believe it was ever meant to do that, as much as we’ve tried to force it to do so. From all sides it becomes clear that the Bible, if it is truly inspired by God, wasn’t meant to end conversation and give the final word on controversies. If this were its purpose, it has failed miserably. (This fact must be faced.) But if, instead, it was inspired and intended to stimulate conversation, to keep people thinking and talking and arguing and seeking, across continents and centuries, it has succeeded and is succeeding in a truly remarkable way. (p. 92)

God’s purpose in the Bible isn’t to give us encyclopedia-like answers. It’s not to end the discussion with the simple, final solution. As Brian said, if that were its purpose, it has failed. We have hundreds of Christian denominations in the US, many thousands worldwide. If the Bible is so simple and clear, how can we—the Universal Christian Church—be so divided? There are so many differences, yet each group believes they have the right answers and the correct interpretations.

I wonder if having it all figured out causes us to rely less on God. Following God becomes a list of do's and don’ts (even though we claim it doesn’t)…And if we think we’ve got it figured out, then the only thing left is to do what we think we’re supposed to do.

With everything figured out, there is no mystery. There are no questions. We don’t really even need much from God now, God has served his purpose by giving us the Bible and the correct interpretation and understanding. In that line of thinking, all we need now is God’s strength and discipline. Seems like a pretty shallow relationship to me.

The older I get, the more I realize there is more and more that I don’t have figured out. Things that don’t make sense to me. Questions about the diversity and complexity I see in the Bible, in my fellow man, in myself, in the world we live in. I feel like I am more childlike, not out of anything noble, but because I am often clueless before the God of the universe.

But God does not leave me in my ignorance—rather, God reveals himself in the amazing stories of the Bible, and in the conversations I have with my wife and my friends, and in the laughter of my children, and the joy I find when I teach, or write, or umpire.

Reading through A New Kind of Christianity

2011-04-17T05:00:00.000-05:00

I'm reading A New Kind of Christianity by Brian McLaren. Brian's writing has really spoken to me over the years. I remember the first time I heard of him--it was actually the first time I met him. He was speaking at my first Leland retreat in 2002. I was drawn to his gentle spirit, his passion for God, his honesty.

We have connected several times over the years, and I am always encouraged by his words; both in print and in our conversations. Several years ago we had a conversation at a church where we happened to run into each other. We were talking about something--I don't remember the topic now--but his eyes lit up at something I said and he opened his Bible and read a passage that spoke to that topic. His love for Jesus and people was obvious.

Brian doesn't need me to defend him; but I realize that by identifying myself with him, I may need to defend both of us to people who see him in a negative light. One of the images that often gets used by Brian's critics is the "wolf in sheep's clothing" label.

You may not agree with Brian (I don't always agree with him), but he is nothing like a wolf. He is a gentle, humble man who strives to be faithful to Jesus. And the more I read the Bible, and pray, and get to know my Savior, the more Brian's ideas ring true to me. A New Kind of Christian was life-changing for me, as well as many others.

I'm not going to review the book, but share some passages that speak to me and cause me to think as I read it. I really like the discussion of how we often view the Bible as a constitution (which I have never believed it was meant to be seen), rather than as an "inspired library." That makes a lot of sense to me. Here goes:

The Bible, when taken as an ethical rule book, offers us no clear categories for many of our most significant and vexing socio-ethical quandaries. We find no explicit mention, for example, of abortion, capitalism, communism, socialism, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, autism, systemic racism, affirmative action, human rights, nationalism, sexual orientation, pornography, global climate change, imprisonment, extinction of species, energy efficiency, environmental sustainability, genetic engineering, space travel, and so on—not to mention nuclear weapons, biological warfare, and just-war theory.

(p. 68-69)

This doesn't mean that the Bible doesn't or can't speak to this topics. But it does mean that any conclusions we draw about about God's perspective on these topics (and many others) are filtered through our own thoughts, biases, presuppositions, desires, understandings and interpretations.

In case after case in the past, there is a kind of Bible-quoting intoxication under the influence of which we religious people lose the ability to distinguish between what God says and what we say God says.

(p. 70)

We must have some humility and open-mindedness to be faithful. We can't become so arrogant that we are convinced our perspective is the absolute truth, and everyone else has it wrong.

I recently read a quote by a big name pastor and author in evangelistic circles. Speaking of C.S. Lewis, he said, "...there is no one quite like him. He does so much good and gets some things so wrong." He's basically saying that when he agrees with Lewis, Lewis is great; but when they disagree, Lewis must be the one who is wrong. That kind of arrogant self-confidence is dangerous. It's OK to disagree, but none of us are always right. Teachability is crucial for growth.

We are not all going to draw the same conclusions, and we must be careful not to be so rigid that we don't allow ourselves to learn and grow and evolve. Yes, I said it; our faith must evolve, as our relationship with and understanding of God grow.

As my faith has evolved, I feel less certain about some things, but more convinced of others. I am more convinced that God loves us and longs to live in intimate relationship with us. I am more convinced that God is working to establish His Kingdom more and more in our world. I am more convinced that nothing is more powerful or wide or deep as God's love.

sheep

2011-04-16T11:05:00.004-05:00

For the Lord YAHWEH says this: 'Look, I myself shall take care of my flock and look after it. As a shepherd looks after his flock when he is with his scattered sheep, so shall I look after my sheep . . . I myself shall pasture my sheep, I myself shall give them rest-declares the Lord YAHWEH. I shall look for the lost one, bring back the stray, bandage the injured and make the sick strong. I shall watch over the fat and healthy. I shall be a true shepherd to them.'
Ezekiel 34:11-12, 15-16

I've fallen into a trap recently (OK, maybe for the last couple years) of talking more about theological differences and conflict than about God, his love, his Kingdom, and his hopes for us and our world.

Those who know me know I have gone through a transformation over the past 5-10 years; from being conservative both theologically and politically to rather liberal/progressive. I don't really like those labels--for a lot of Christians, liberal means less dedicated to God and/or the Bible. Although I see things very differently than I used to, I am more committed to God than ever. I love and appreciate the Bible more than ever. I want to follow God and strive to live out the Kingdom faithfully.

But I don't think that looks the way I used to. I don't want to get into philosophical differences. I want to try to use this space, and my time writing, to be positive about God, faith, life, love, people, Jesus, the Bible, etc.

Our culture has become so divided, it's easy to fall into debate. I don't want to do it anymore. I want to focus on Jesus, and His Kingdom, and how to live it out. I want to teach my children how to love God and love people with all their hearts.

The passage above, taken from today's reading from Phyllis Tickle's Divine Hours, reminds me that God is watching over us, loving us, seeking us. We often feel like we've got to correct each other, and make sure everyone is believing the right way. We fight to get things figured out, then fight to make sure everyone else listens to us and understands and agrees.

I want to let go of that. I just want to be one of God's sheep; content to live in His care. I don't want to care so much if others agree or disagree with me. I want to live out God's love so much that others are intrigued and want to know God too. Then I want to trust God to take care of them, like the good shepherd He is.

trying to look outward

2011-04-15T07:10:00.003-05:00

Entering the City
Jan Hynes

I have been lousy at writing. I often start to write something here, then think, "That's not worth blogging about. No one wants to read that." But I need to stop worrying about that, and just write. The writing is as much for me as anyone else, maybe more so.

I also don't want it to just be talking about my life. We have a family blog for that. (That one is by invitation only--so let me know if you'd like to read it.)

It's been a difficult couple years spiritually--since leaving Convergence. I've got some great friends that encourage me spiritually and emotionally; but what I really miss is having something regular--a group of people who invest in each other's lives; encouraging, challenging, serving.

I need to be serving even more than I need to be served these days. Life has been so fluid and changing these days that I just don't feel grounded. Our job situation, our living situation, our finances--are all so uncertain; the result is we spend all our time and energy thinking about ourselves. We become so inwardly focused.

As I watch my boys play, I realize that's not what I want for them, or for us. Even when life is difficult, especially when life is difficult. We need to be focused outwardly. I want our lives to be devoted to loving God and loving other people.

I'm going to find something to do with the boys today that helps us do that. Maybe we'll go out in the neighborhood and pick up trash, making God's beautiful creation a little less soiled. I'm going to schedule some time to get with a few of the people who encourage me and draw me closer to God.

This is the purpose of this writing--it helps me connect with God, and with myself, the part of me that often gets buried under the junk of life, the part of me that is simply a child of God.

I'll close with a Palm Sunday prayer from my daily Emergent email, by Christine Sine:
Let us enter the city with God today
Let us sing hosanna to our king
To the son of God riding on a donkey
With shepherds and prostitutes,
With the blind and the leper
With the abandoned and oppressed
Let us shout for joy at Christ’s coming
And follow the One who welcomes the sinner and dines with the outcast
Let us touch and see as God draws near
Riding in Triumph towards the Cross

update

2011-03-01T23:56:00.000-05:00

Thanks to Gator Gal (who are you?) for the push--I was shocked to see how long it has been since I posted. The winter has been good but hard. Still no permanent job. I have been doing a long-term sub job teaching 11 and 12 English at Ashley's school for the last 3 months; it's been great. I'll finish up this week; then go back to regular subbing.

I recently had an interview with a private school; hoping to get news about the job in the next day or two; so I'm pretty anxious right now.

Not preaching much these days; I was helping a church through the summer and fall; but they called a pastor and don't need me any more.

I started doing P90X in December and have been enjoying that; I'm in the best shape I've been in for many years.

This coming weekend is Richmond weekend; the time of year (next to Christmas) that I most look forward to. Several of my college buddies, and a few who have joined us over the years, go to Richmond to watch George Mason in the Colonial Athletic Association mens basketball tournament.

We get a hotel suite and spend the weekend watching basketball, eating, drinking, and walking around Richmond. We've been doing it for almost 10 years; it is truly one of the highlights of the years. I love the freedom--for 3-4 days we have no responsibility, no schedule, no work--just fun. We talk, walk, tell stories, share memories, enjoy great food and beer. I love it. This should be a good weekend; hopefully we'll win the whole thing, which means we're in Richmond from Friday through Monday.

And as much as I love it, by the end I'm ready to go back home, because I miss my family.

Life is really good and really hard these days. But I continue to try to trust God (I don't always do it well). I believe/hope that 10 years from now we'll have some great stories to tell about how God sustained us and was working to bring us to some great things.

family update

2010-10-30T07:39:00.004-05:00

Hello to you faithful few who check in here once in a while. I keep meaning to write more...well, good intentions and all that.

Life is beautiful and stressful these days. Still no full-time job. A few interviews, but no results. Had one church ask me to be their pastor, but the situation wasn't right for my family. We are still hoping to move to Washington, so we're looking in both places.

I'm looking at more school--CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education) at Mary Washington Hospital; and a secondary education licensure program at Mary Washington University.

I'm getting sub work most days at N. Stafford and Mountain View (Ashley's school). In fact, next week I'm going to be subbing in Ashley's English class--on her birthday! How cool is that!

Baseball is winding down; I got lots of umpiring work this fall, have games for the next week or so, then it will be done until March.

The kids are great--Ashley ran cross country and did very well--she had a hip injury and ran through the pain most of the season. In the district meet, she was obviously hurting with each step. When she crossed the finish line she burst into tears from the pain. I would not have been more proud if she won the race. Hopefully she can rest and heal some now (although she still has a few weeks of soccer).

Ash is loving high school and doing great in her classes. She and I get along better than ever, talking and laughing about school, boys, and teachers. We watch Modern Family together--it's great!

The boys are doing well; they go to preschool three days a week and love it. Their teachers say they are bright and fun and sweet. We got both boys baseball gloves this fall and they love playing ball. We're cheering for the Rangers in the World Series; getting a little worried!

Jamie is working part-time as a shift supervisor at Starbucks. She's great at it; but we're all feeling the financial stress. We've put the house on the market, hoping to sell soon. She's also trying to do a lot with her Stampin' Up business; she is really creative and loves it.

Even with the stress, life is good. The kids give us so much joy. We've had fun going to high school football games; they love it--cheering for the wildcats, talking to the teenagers, drinking hot chocolate. Today we're going to Kings Dominion for the last time this year.

I'm trying to spend more time praying and being aware of God's presence. There are a lot of "why's" and "what's next" and "what do we do" questions these days. I'm trying to not get caught up in the questions--but trying to pray and look and listen.

Fresh Starts and Second Chances

2010-10-05T12:30:00.002-05:00

Here is a link to a video of me preaching on Fresh Starts and Second Chances at FBC Springfield a couple months ago. First time I've seen myself preach on video. Feels weird. I like the message, but I said "umm" too many times.

Jesus and Establishment

2010-08-24T11:56:00.006-05:00

First night of my final class at Leland; Who is Jesus. Should be a good class, last night about archeology; good stuff.

Got me thinking about Jesus and how he was perceived by his peers, and how people today perceive him. Very differently. Jesus was anti-establishment. Strange how we have made him the center of the establishment.

I'm not saying he shouldn't be the center of the church, he is and should be. So perhaps I'm saying the church shouldn't be so "established." It doesn't get much more established than the way many of us see and do church.

But Jesus didn't lead an organization. He led a wild, diverse group of rebels and revolutionaries. He and his followers rebelled against the established religion of the time--not by bringing a new religion, but by bringing truth and honesty about the relationship between God and his people. He pointed out how God's followers missed the mark, and tried to help them see God more the way He wanted them to.

Jesus taught that what mattered was one's heart and actions. It was about loving God and loving others, not about following all the laws just right. He talked over and over about helping, serving, giving.

I grew up hearing that the Christian faith was about getting right with God--being born again, living righteously, doing what I was supposed to...good things, but it was all about me doing what I was supposed to in order to please God.

There was little focus on others--ministry and missions was kind of an afterthought, and still more about me doing the things I was supposed to, than it was about the people I was to serve. I think this attitude is still prevalent among many evangelicals.

Over the last 10 years my perspective has changed radically. The black and white, cut and dried, questions and answers faith I had is gone. I still believe in Jesus, I still love and worship him, but I have more questions, more wonder, less clarity and simple answers.

Brian McLaren's book A New Kind of Christian really captured what I've been thinking and feeling. This description from his recent book A New Kind of Christianity does as well:

My disillusionment was intensified by what was happening in the Christian community in America during the 1980s and 1990s. A large number of both Protestant and Catholic leaders had aligned with a neoconservative political ideology, trumpeting what they called "conservative family values," but minimizing biblical community values. They supported wars of choice, defended torture, opposed environmental protection, and seemed to care more about protecting the rich from taxes than liberating the poor from poverty or minorities from racism. They spoke against big government as if big was bad, yet they seemed to see big military and big business as inherently good. They wanted to protect unborn human life inside the womb, but didn't seem to care about born human life in slums or prisons or nations they considered enemies. They loved to paint gay people as a threat to marriage, seeming to miss the irony that heterosexual people were damaging marriage at a furious pace without any help from gay couples. They consistently relegated females to second-class status, often while covering up for their fellow males when they fell into scandal or committed criminal abuse. They interpreted the Bible to favor the government of Israel and to marginalize Palestinians, and even before September 11, 2001, I feared that through their influence Muslims were being cast as the new scapegoats, targets of a scary kind of religiously inspired bigotry.

Their stridency and selectivity in choosing issues and priorities at first annoyed, then depressed, and then angered me. They had created a powerful, wealthy, and stealthy network dedicated to mobilizing fighters in their "culture war."

So now we have growing numbers of churches and communities pushing back against this mindset--typically labeled the emerging/emergent church. In many evangelical circles, McLaren and those who think similarly are branded rebels, revolutionaries, even heretics.

It seems obvious to me the establishment that the emerging church is pushing back against has a lot in common with the established religion of Jesus' time and place.

Many of us are asking questions and exploring different ways of worshiping and fellowshipping and being the church; not because we want to destroy Christianity, but because we love Jesus, and long to create a church that continues to become more of what Jesus lived. A church that is not focused on itself, but on doing anything and everything possible to live out the Kingdom of God. A church that takes risks and asks hard questions and is willing to try something different, even radical, for the sake of Jesus and His Kingdom.

I have said things like this before, and fear I am doing too much deconstructing, and not enough building up. That's where I want to try to go. I want to find new ways of doing community, or church, that focus on others, seek to serve and give, aren't so concerned with organization and structure, but on relationships.

I think it starts close to home, so Jamie and I are talking about getting something going with our neighbors. After three years of pastoring a church that is an hour away, I am eager to do church with people down the street, even next door.

We're just starting to talk, but I need to make sure we take some action.

One example--we have some friends who are not currently plugged into a church. They are committed Christians, but are looking for the right community. So lately, they have been seeking people and organizations to whom they can give their tithe/offering.

Knowing we are in a really desperate financial situation, they gave us their most recent offering. That's what the church can be; people who live in community together sharing, giving, serving. I'm so grateful for the gift, and also thinking of how we can give or serve them in some way. Maybe they'll be a part of whatever church community we get going.

thoughts on the "ground zero--mosque" controversy

2010-08-17T21:43:00.002-05:00

Matt Sledge at Huffington has a great piece on the "ground zero--mosque" controversy.

here are a few of my thoughts on the situation:

I think there is a big difference between "at" ground zero and a few blocks away. Much of the conversation I'm hearing assumes that the community center/mosque is going to be right where the towers stood, and that's not the case. I would hope that hearing that fact could impact people's perception.

I want to believe that we as a nation can rise above and continue to promote the freedom and liberty we always have--for all people, regardless of religion or race.

I guess the big difference here is that some people cannot or will not separate the terrorists of 9-11 from all Muslims. For me, it's like holding all Christians responsible for the actions of one who kills an abortion doctor, or identifying all Christians with someone like Fred Phelps, the Baptist pastor who disrupts soldiers' funerals, preaching that those deaths are God's judgment on America.

For those of us who are Christ followers, I think we share His love when we relate to others, even Muslims, with peace and love rather than with protests and exclusion. I think Jesus would condemn the actions of the terrorists, but not hold it against other people who were not involved, just because they share a common race or religion.

I realize my perspective is different than a lot of Christians, and I want to have the same grace and understanding toward them that I am asking for; so I don't mean to come across too strong.

community

2010-08-17T15:15:00.003-05:00

I posted the following under the comments of a recent post, but realize few people probably saw it...plus, I want to add some thoughts.

I think one of the struggles is building authentic community as an organization. community happens best organically, naturally.

I have four friends that I watch GMU basketball with. We have known each other for years, love and support one another, feel totally comfortable together. That's real community.

The few churches that I've seen that have done well at building community started with a commitment to selflessness and serving. They also encouraged people to be deeply involved in each others' lives on a daily basis, not just on Sundays. It's hard to build these things into an existing community if they are not part of that community's DNA from the beginning.

But even those churches struggled when they got bigger. I am a big fan of smaller when it comes to church/community. (Take a look at Dave Browning's Deliberate Simplicity; great book)

My friend Joey was working on a model of bringing Jesus and the Kingdom into existing communities--families; neighborhoods, businesses, etc.--rather than building new communities and inviting people--giving them one more group/thing that cuts into their time. This really intrigues me.

I'm a big fan of small--small communities, small groups, etc.

I have a good friend who stopped going to church recently. Bottom line--he loved it when he knew most of the people--when the church was 200 people, there was a real family feel. Now that there are 800 people, he feels lost, not as connected. I understand.

I would prefer to start a community rather than join one--with people who are like-minded, who want to share their lives; live near one another, serve each other, worship and fellowship together.

Ideally, I'd love to find a non-church job and have the freedom to start something new--a community that I didn't have to depend on for income.

OK, lots of random thoughts; still thinking about how this would really look.

Springsteen in London

2010-08-02T00:20:00.005-05:00

If you have never seen Bruce Springsteen in concert, than you have not seen the greatest live show ever. Plain and simple. You may not agree, but you'd be wrong. I've seen over 75 concerts in my life, many of the biggest performers over the past 30 years, and no one puts on a show like Bruce. No one's body of work over the last 35 years compares to his. And the energy of Bruce and the E Street Band in concert is unparalleled. The guy is 61, and rocks harder than most people half his age.

A high school friend introduced me to Bruce's music in 1983. Up to that point, I usually just listened to the radio, and Bruce has never been much of a mainstream radio guy.

But when Jeff played "Born to Run" for me, I was hooked. Here was great, driving, rock music with stories and characters and images--all very real and powerful and fascinating.

On November 11, 1984 I saw Bruce in concert for the first time. I cannot describe how amazing that experience was. 23 years to the day later, I took my daughter to see Bruce in concert (it was my 10th time; I've now seen him 11 times).

Each time he puts out an album, I get it immediately; each time he tours, I try to get tickets. His music has become the biggest part of the soundtrack of my life. Each song takes me back to the time of my life when I first heard it.

Last week I got Bruce's latest concert video, from a performance at London's Hyde Park last year. It is truly the best of his concert videos. And the best part is that my boys love watching it--so we've spent a lot of time the last few days listening to Bruce and the band.

If you get a chance, give it a look/listen:

Badlands

London Calling

Waitin' On A Sunny Day

Born To Run

uncomfortable thoughts about "church people"

2010-07-11T13:25:00.002-05:00

OK, this may be just a time to vent. If so, feel free to move on. But I promised to write, and right now this is on my mind. I've been a "church person" for 25 years. I've been in ministry for 22. I have loved most of the churches and ministries I've been a part of. I have known many wonderful people, developed beautiful friendships, been taught and loved and encouraged and challenged.

But right now, I'm struggling with church and church people. Leaving my last ministry has been extremely hard, even over a year later. I know it's impossible to be objective, but I still feel like I was wronged by some people that I loved and trusted. It was hard watching people I really respected and admired make some choices that looked very poor.

I have seen a couple people that I considered good friends turn their backs on me, refusing to communicate at all--phone, email, facebook...it's hard, not knowing why people don't want to be friends anymore.

What prompted some of this was thinking about different people in my life; especially some who have been incredibly supportive and helpful over the past year, or even longer. What was interesting was realizing that many of them are not "church people," or even Christians.

There is K; a good friend who doesn't consider himself very religious--although he is becoming more and more spiritual in his thoughts and actions. He has helped me out financially and emotionally over and over for many years. He has supported me and put up with me and loved me unconditionally.

My friend N, who is not a Christian, and who I rarely see these days, but continues to follow me on facebook, and always has words of encouragement.

My relatives C and L; not church people, but the kindest, most giving people you could know. The always give and encourage and serve.

And several of those who have been there for me, who are Christians, are not necessarily ones I have been in church with. They come from other backgrounds and traditions--but have truly lived out the Kingdom in our relationship.

These are people I have close, open relationships with--regardless of church connection. So what does all this mean? for me, I realize that church is not where I am finding my spiritual support these days. Now, part of that is because I speak in different churches on Sundays; so I'm not at the church where we belong a lot. And it's hard because we live 45 minutes away. I would like to be in a church that is closer, but our kids are really invested there, and it has been great for them.

Now, I do have many wonderful Christian friends who continue to love and support and encourage--especially J, M, A, K, D, E, T....and others.

But it struck me that the spiritual support in my life is mostly outside of a church community. I have mixed feelings about that. I have some thoughts, but want to spend some time with them before writing more.

I am always curious about feedback--who is supporting and encouraging you? Is it happening in church? out of church? both?

I'm off to umpire a baseball game, which is usually a very spiritual experience for me!

back again

2010-07-07T20:47:00.002-05:00

I am the world's most pathetic writer. Four months since my last post. It's been hard to get motivated when I don't feel I have much to say. Being unemployed has a lot to do with it--after a year, it's easy to start feeling pretty low about my value as a minister and teacher. There have been a couple jobs that looked promising that didn't work out. I had an interview for a teaching position today that I thought went well. I should near something by the end of next week.

I'm tutoring and umpiring baseball. Still searching, applying, sending resumes, both here and in Washington. We were hoping to move out there this summer, but it hasn't worked out that way.

One plus to unemployment is having a lot more time with my family.

The highlight recently was graduating from Leland. Twenty years after taking my first class, I completed my MDiv. (Although I still have one class to finish up; I'm taking it as an independent study this summer.)

The graduation ceremony was great, and Jamie and my mom gave me a wonderful graduation party.

I am feeling the pull to write again--actually, it never leaves me; but I ignore it, and hide from it. But all I can do is keep trying.

Still feeling out there as far as community. We are back at New Hope, but I don't feel a part of things there the way we used to be. We'd love to find something closer, but haven't found anything yet.

OK, got to run--need to job hunt, and Top Chef is on soon.

Richmond trip

2010-03-07T00:07:00.003-05:00

Johnny, Kenny, and Andy outside the coliseum, before losing to VCU.

The view from our seats

I'm in Richmond for our annual trip to watch the Colonial Athletic Association basketball tournament. It's been a fun weekend, but we (George Mason) had a disappointing loss in our first game. After three straight years of making it to the championship game on Monday night, it feels strange to be done Saturday night. We have had some good food, and enjoyed hanging out in Richmond. We'll spend one more night and head home tomorrow.

working

2010-03-06T07:56:00.003-05:00

Should have posted sooner, but with my lack of posts, I doubt anyone is reading. Maybe you have me in a feed that shows you when I post. If so, hello.

I am finally working--temporarily. I got a long-term sub job, filling in for a teacher out on maternity leave. I'm teaching 9th grade English at North Stafford High School, and loving it.

It was an exciting start. The school called me on Feb. 17 and asked if I could start March 1. I talked with the teacher and we planned to get together and work on the transition. The sub scheduler called me back that night, said the teacher went to the doctor and was put on bedrest, and could I start tomorrow.

It was a little scary jumping in with no prep time; on the other hand, we need the money so an extra week and a half was good. I have enjoyed getting to know the students and being back in a classroom every day.

The days are really long now--teaching during the day, then class and umpire training at night (I umpire high school baseball). I don't see my kids as much (that was one benefit to being unemployed). But the days and weeks go by really fast when you're this busy.

As I write this I am in Richmond for my annual trip to the CAA Basketball tournament with some college friends. It is great to get away and relax, not have anywhere to be or anything to do for a couple days.

The sub job will last until late April or early May, then I'll be looking again. I am flying out to Washington to talk with with a church about a job in April. I'm also trying to finish up several classes so I can graduate from Leland in June.

Life lately has been busy and stressful, but still a lot of fun.

winter update

2010-02-12T15:21:00.003-05:00

I must write...I must write...

No job yet. A couple possibilities haven't panned out. Between Christmas break and all the snow days I haven't had much substitute teaching work this winter. So we're broke, praying for answers, trying to trust God.

I am going to Washington state for a week in March for meetings and interviews with several churches and schools. We're hoping to get a job there and move in the summer.

I usually love the snow, but after all the shoveling, I've had enough.

I have enjoyed good time with my family, having spent a lot more time at home than usual. And George Mason is having a much better season than I expected.

Life is good, stressful, frustrating, fun and always unpredictable.

In the midst of all this, especially with frustrating events (a church that offered me a job, then revoked the offer...a busted water heater that flooded our basement and family room...) the tendancy is to ask, "Why? What is God doing? Doesn't he know we don't have money for this? Doesn't he know we need that job? Why isn't he helping? Is he punishing us? "

But my mind goes from those questions, trying to understand why, to looking for how God is present in the midst of circumstances; even in little things: while cleaning out the flooded playroom, Jamie found my missing bluetooth...We're now forced to get started on the cleaning and purging we need to do before moving.

One of the biggest things was finding someone to help us with the water heater. Mike and Grace P. came down over bad roads; Grace hung out with Jamie and the kids while Mike helped us replace the water heater, and charged us much less than he could have. It also gave us a chance to have some good time with good people.

It's not productive for me to try and figure out why. I tend to do better when I seek to see how God is present and working in our lives, and the lives of people around us, especially when life brings challenges.

update

2009-12-21T12:42:00.003-05:00

sorry for the long time between posts...a lot going on, but haven't felt like I have much to say. Life is good, kids are well (except for all the colds coming and going). I've been substitute teaching and tutoring; still looking for a full-time job. That's getting stressful; if I don't find something that pays better soon (like in the next couple weeks); 2010 is going to have a rough start.

But I'm trying not to be stressed. We have always done ok; God provides a way, something comes along...

I have been talking to a friend about a potential church position--just in early stages of conversation, so I don't want to get my hopes up, but it could be a wonderful opportunity.

I'm also looking at a business opportunity that might be good--although it would be very different for me.

I am also really enjoying being back in the classroom. I sub at North Stafford High School most days and have gotten to know a lot of the kids. It's been a lot of fun. I have taught two kids whose parents were classmates of mine in high school--that makes you feel old!

So life these days is up and down. I love my family, and spending time with my wife and kids. I love teaching, and I'm excited about future possibilities. I'm also still struggling with identity--for years my job/ministry was a big part of that--right now there's a kind of a void there.

We are snowed in a few days before Christmas; finally got the driveway cleared today. The boys love the snow. I'm looking forward to good time with family over the next week. Merry Christmas!

It's GMU basketball season!

2009-11-06T15:45:00.002-05:00

My favorite time of the year is here--no, not autumn--I'm talking about basketball season! GMU played it's one exhibition game of the season last night, a 100-82 victory over Virginia State.

It was guys' night at the Patriot Center as I took my boys with me. I didn't know how they would do--as they have grown older their attention spans seem to shorten. But it was a truly fantastic evening.

I got the boys excited early, telling them in the morning where we were going, and helping them practice their "Go Mason!" yells throughout the day. C woke up from his afternoon nap shouting, "I'm ready to go to the basketball game!

The ride up was fun, talking about the upcoming game, singing and laughing. At one point B started praying (he has been praying with me at the table lately), saying, "Dear God, thank you for our food." C melted my heart by saying, "God, thank you for Daddy!"

We got to the arena, picked up tickets that Ken and Andy left for us at will call, and headed for the Patriot Club (where people who donate a lot of money get "free" food and beer). Kenny gave me a pass, which I handed to the portly usher at the entrance. He looked at the double stroller and said, "You gotta have three tickets."

I smiled and said, "Come one, they're toddlers, they're not gonna drink any beer!" He waved me through. Kenny got us some pizza and drinks and we began the celebration. The guys were amazed at how the boys have grown.

We finished dinner and headed to the seats. I handed C to Kenny and climbed to our seats with Brady. I reached out to take C back, but he had planted himself on Kenny's lap, and stayed there for much of the first half. He later sat with Johnny for a while--I love how he enjoys being with all the guys.

B wanted to sit in his own seat--it was funny because he wasn't heavy enough to keep the seat from folding up on him. At halftime we walked around the concourse--C rode on my shoulders while B held hands with Kenny and Johnny as they ran and picked him up to fly through the air. He was loving it.

The boys made it through the whole game--cheering often, clapping when the band played, being thrilled by the small blimp that flies through the arena. They switched places in the second half; B sitting with Kenny and C in his own seat. When they got restless late in the game, lollipops helped them get through to the end.

It was so fun watching my friends laughing and playing with my boys, and seeing how much the boys loved the guys. B loves Andy, who always makes him laugh. Johnny was great chasing the boys in and out of a curtained off area, then being told not to go back there (I think by the same usher who let me in the Patriot Club).

But the highlight for me was a moment when I looked over at C sitting on Kenny's lap, and watched C touching and fiddling with Kenny's fingers as they both watched the action on the court. One of those real "Life is good" moments. Thanks guys.

(this is reprinted from our family blog--which is available by invitation only. let me know if you'd like an invite.)

The boys' first high school football game

2009-10-18T22:24:00.000-05:00

(from our family blog)

Friday night I took the boys to their first high school football game. I've been subbing at North Stafford, and they were hosting their rival Stafford for homecoming. It was cold and wet, but the boys were eager, and I really wanted to take them to watch football.

Walking into the stadium was exciting. There was a light but thick rain falling; it looked really cool in the stadium lights. The band was playing, and there were teenagers everywhere. We found seats just before kick-off; I had packed dinner--sandwiches, grapes and cookies--so we started eating.

The boys were enjoying it--cheering when people cheered, watching the guys run up and down the field, listening to the band and the cheerleaders.

Early in the second quarter B said he wanted to go home, and began to repeat the request. We were all getting colder and wetter. I tried to get him to hold out till halftime, but he kept saying he wanted to leave, so we left near the end of the first half.

Halfway to the van, B changed his mind and said he wanted to go back and watch football. I told him that we had to go home, and he started to lose it. I had to drag/carry him to the van. He was tired, and when he's tired and gets focused on something, he doesn't let go.

The whole way home, every thirty seconds: "Daddy! I want to go back and watch the football! Please! (with lots of tears)."

After about 10 minutes of this, C spoke up, "No, we're going home!" It was classic.

It was really cool to experience another first with my boys. I remembered how fun those nights were as a teenager, and thought about how my boys would be out there in a few years, either playing or watching.

But for now, I love sharing all these special times with them, and I'm so grateful for each one.

North Stafford won 35-7.

the present

2009-10-05T22:21:00.001-05:00

I've always been skeptical when I hear people say, "God told me..."

I've never heard God speak. But there have been times when I get the sense that God is trying to tell me something--through other people, something I read, the Spirit inside...

I've been getting that lately in this idea of living in the present. A few different friends have touched on this, and some different things I've been reading. In doing some self-examination, I was amazed to realize how little time I truly spend living in the moment.

I spend a little time looking back, remembering good times, questioning myself or others over things I wish were different. But I spend a LOT of time looking ahead--wondering, worrying, playing out different scenarios--and most of it is not productive.

As a result, I spend very little time truly living in the present. Enjoying where I am, who I'm with--not thinking about the past or the future, just really experiencing life right now...the sights, sounds and the smells...(can anyone name the movie reference?)

So this week I'm working on living in the present. Not letting worries about tomorrow get in the way. I do this best with my kids. They truly live in the present, and they help me do it as well. When I'm with them, just being--those are times when I really sense God's presence as well.

FBS's (first born son) first day of preschool

2009-09-11T13:46:00.000-05:00

From our family blog:

B had his first day of preschool today. I know this is just the first of many milestones, but it was a big deal to me...I still get surprised at how emotional I become.

B was born a little over three years ago. My memory is pretty bad these days, but I remember so much about that day. J went into labor while at work; I went to pick her up and she tried to keep on working. Her co-workers forced her to leave, and we finally got on the road to the hospital.

By the time we got there her contractions were coming faster. We tried to walk from the parking lot, but she couldn't get very far so we drove to the emergency room and I got her inside. Her labor went quickly, and a few hours later Brady was born.

A lot of people cry when their babies are born, but I started crying about five minutes before B came out. I realized that this little person we had been talking and singing to and touching and loving was about to come and join us fully. I was filled with this amazing joy and began to cry.

When he came out, all messy and gooey, he was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

When I look back to that day, the last three years seem to have gone by in a blur. B is no longer a baby, he's a wonderful little boy with lots of personality, incredibly bright, and so much fun.

As we walked up the sidewalk toward his preschool, my eyes filled with tears as I thought that he is no longer completely ours--he also belongs to others with whom he will now build new relationships.

It was all worth it four hours later when I picked him up--he saw me come to the door of his class, yelled "Daddy!" and ran into my arms. I love being a dad.

President Obama to US students

2009-09-08T08:59:00.004-05:00

I started a blog about the ridiculous protesting over the President's speech to students. Scrapped it and decided to just let the President speak:

Prepared Remarks of President Barack Obama
Back to School Event

Arlington, Virginia
September 8, 2009

The President: Hello everyone – how’s everybody doing today? I’m here with students at Wakefield High School in Arlington, Virginia. And we’ve got students tuning in from all across America, kindergarten through twelfth grade. I’m glad you all could join us today.

I know that for many of you, today is the first day of school. And for those of you in kindergarten, or starting middle or high school, it’s your first day in a new school, so it’s understandable if you’re a little nervous. I imagine there are some seniors out there who are feeling pretty good right now, with just one more year to go. And no matter what grade you’re in, some of you are probably wishing it were still summer, and you could’ve stayed in bed just a little longer this morning.

I know that feeling. When I was young, my family lived in Indonesia for a few years, and my mother didn’t have the money to send me where all the American kids went to school. So she decided to teach me extra lessons herself, Monday through Friday – at 4:30 in the morning.

Now I wasn’t too happy about getting up that early. A lot of times, I’d fall asleep right there at the kitchen table. But whenever I’d complain, my mother would just give me one of those looks and say, "This is no picnic for me either, buster."

So I know some of you are still adjusting to being back at school. But I’m here today because I have something important to discuss with you. I’m here because I want to talk with you about your education and what’s expected of all of you in this new school year.

Now I’ve given a lot of speeches about education. And I’ve talked a lot about responsibility.

I’ve talked about your teachers’ responsibility for inspiring you, and pushing you to learn.

I’ve talked about your parents’ responsibility for making sure you stay on track, and get your homework done, and don’t spend every waking hour in front of the TV or with that Xbox.

I’ve talked a lot about your government’s responsibility for setting high standards, supporting teachers and principals, and turning around schools that aren’t working where students aren’t getting the opportunities they deserve.

But at the end of the day, we can have the most dedicated teachers, the most supportive parents, and the best schools in the world – and none of it will matter unless all of you fulfill your responsibilities. Unless you show up to those schools; pay attention to those teachers; listen to your parents, grandparents and other adults; and put in the hard work it takes to succeed.

And that’s what I want to focus on today: the responsibility each of you has for your education. I want to start with the responsibility you have to yourself.

Every single one of you has something you’re good at. Every single one of you has something to offer. And you have a responsibility to yourself to discover what that is. That’s the opportunity an education can provide.

Maybe you could be a good writer – maybe even good enough to write a book or articles in a newspaper – but you might not know it until you write a paper for your English class. Maybe you could be an innovator or an inventor – maybe even good enough to come up with the next iPhone or a new medicine or vaccine – but you might not know it until you do a project for your science class. Maybe you could be a mayor or a Senator or a Supreme Court Justice, but you might not know that until you join student government or the debate team.

And no matter what you want to do with your life – I guarantee that you’ll need an education to do it. You want to be a doctor, or a teacher, or a police officer? You want to be a nurse or an architect, a lawyer or a member of our military? You’re going to need a good education for every single one of those careers. You can’t drop out of school and just drop into a good job. You’ve got to work for it and train for it and learn for it.

And this isn’t just important for your own life and your own future. What you make of your education will decide nothing less than the future of this country. What you’re learning in school today will determine whether we as a nation can meet our greatest challenges in the future.

You’ll need the knowledge and problem-solving skills you learn in science and math to cure diseases like cancer and AIDS, and to develop new energy technologies and protect our environment. You’ll need the insights and critical thinking skills you gain in history and social studies to fight poverty and homelessness, crime and discrimination, and make our nation more fair and more free. You’ll need the creativity and ingenuity you develop in all your classes to build new companies that will create new jobs and boost our economy.

We need every single one of you to develop your talents, skills and intellect so you can help solve our most difficult problems. If you don’t do that – if you quit on school – you’re not just quitting on yourself, you’re quitting on your country.

Now I know it’s not always easy to do well in school. I know a lot of you have challenges in your lives right now that can make it hard to focus on your schoolwork.

I get it. I know what that’s like. My father left my family when I was two years old, and I was raised by a single mother who struggled at times to pay the bills and wasn’t always able to give us things the other kids had. There were times when I missed having a father in my life. There were times when I was lonely and felt like I didn’t fit in.

So I wasn’t always as focused as I should have been. I did some things I’m not proud of, and got in more trouble than I should have. And my life could have easily taken a turn for the worse.

But I was fortunate. I got a lot of second chances and had the opportunity to go to college, and law school, and follow my dreams. My wife, our First Lady Michelle Obama, has a similar story. Neither of her parents had gone to college, and they didn’t have much. But they worked hard, and she worked hard, so that she could go to the best schools in this country.

Some of you might not have those advantages. Maybe you don’t have adults in your life who give you the support that you need. Maybe someone in your family has lost their job, and there’s not enough money to go around. Maybe you live in a neighborhood where you don’t feel safe, or have friends who are pressuring you to do things you know aren’t right.

But at the end of the day, the circumstances of your life – what you look like, where you come from, how much money you have, what you’ve got going on at home – that’s no excuse for neglecting your homework or having a bad attitude. That’s no excuse for talking back to your teacher, or cutting class, or dropping out of school. That’s no excuse for not trying.

Where you are right now doesn’t have to determine where you’ll end up. No one’s written your destiny for you. Here in America, you write your own destiny. You make your own future.

That’s what young people like you are doing every day, all across America.

Young people like Jazmin Perez, from Roma, Texas. Jazmin didn’t speak English when she first started school. Hardly anyone in her hometown went to college, and neither of her parents had gone either. But she worked hard, earned good grades, got a scholarship to Brown University, and is now in graduate school, studying public health, on her way to being Dr. Jazmin Perez.

I’m thinking about Andoni Schultz, from Los Altos, California, who’s fought brain cancer since he was three. He’s endured all sorts of treatments and surgeries, one of which affected his memory, so it took him much longer – hundreds of extra hours – to do his schoolwork. But he never fell behind, and he’s headed to college this fall.

And then there’s Shantell Steve, from my hometown of Chicago, Illinois. Even when bouncing from foster home to foster home in the toughest neighborhoods, she managed to get a job at a local health center; start a program to keep young people out of gangs; and she’s on track to graduate high school with honors and go on to college.

Jazmin, Andoni and Shantell aren’t any different from any of you. They faced challenges in their lives just like you do. But they refused to give up. They chose to take responsibility for their education and set goals for themselves. And I expect all of you to do the same.

That’s why today, I’m calling on each of you to set your own goals for your education – and to do everything you can to meet them. Your goal can be something as simple as doing all your homework, paying attention in class, or spending time each day reading a book. Maybe you’ll decide to get involved in an extracurricular activity, or volunteer in your community. Maybe you’ll decide to stand up for kids who are being teased or bullied because of who they are or how they look, because you believe, like I do, that all kids deserve a safe environment to study and learn. Maybe you’ll decide to take better care of yourself so you can be more ready to learn. And along those lines, I hope you’ll all wash your hands a lot, and stay home from school when you don’t feel well, so we can keep people from getting the flu this fall and winter.

Whatever you resolve to do, I want you to commit to it. I want you to really work at it.

I know that sometimes, you get the sense from TV that you can be rich and successful without any hard work -- that your ticket to success is through rapping or basketball or being a reality TV star, when chances are, you’re not going to be any of those things.

But the truth is, being successful is hard. You won’t love every subject you study. You won’t click with every teacher. Not every homework assignment will seem completely relevant to your life right this minute. And you won’t necessarily succeed at everything the first time you try.

That’s OK. Some of the most successful people in the world are the ones who’ve had the most failures. JK Rowling’s first Harry Potter book was rejected twelve times before it was finally published. Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team, and he lost hundreds of games and missed thousands of shots during his career. But he once said, "I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."

These people succeeded because they understand that you can’t let your failures define you – you have to let them teach you. You have to let them show you what to do differently next time. If you get in trouble, that doesn’t mean you’re a troublemaker, it means you need to try harder to behave. If you get a bad grade, that doesn’t mean you’re stupid, it just means you need to spend more time studying.

No one’s born being good at things, you become good at things through hard work. You’re not a varsity athlete the first time you play a new sport. You don’t hit every note the first time you sing a song. You’ve got to practice. It’s the same with your schoolwork. You might have to do a math problem a few times before you get it right, or read something a few times before you understand it, or do a few drafts of a paper before it’s good enough to hand in.

Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. I do that every day. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength. It shows you have the courage to admit when you don’t know something, and to learn something new. So find an adult you trust – a parent, grandparent or teacher; a coach or counselor – and ask them to help you stay on track to meet your goals.

And even when you’re struggling, even when you’re discouraged, and you feel like other people have given up on you – don’t ever give up on yourself. Because when you give up on yourself, you give up on your country.

The story of America isn’t about people who quit when things got tough. It’s about people who kept going, who tried harder, who loved their country too much to do anything less than their best.

It’s the story of students who sat where you sit 250 years ago, and went on to wage a revolution and found this nation. Students who sat where you sit 75 years ago who overcame a Depression and won a world war; who fought for civil rights and put a man on the moon. Students who sat where you sit 20 years ago who founded Google, Twitter and Facebook and changed the way we communicate with each other.

So today, I want to ask you, what’s your contribution going to be? What problems are you going to solve? What discoveries will you make? What will a president who comes here in twenty or fifty or one hundred years say about what all of you did for this country?

Your families, your teachers, and I are doing everything we can to make sure you have the education you need to answer these questions. I’m working hard to fix up your classrooms and get you the books, equipment and computers you need to learn. But you’ve got to do your part too. So I expect you to get serious this year. I expect you to put your best effort into everything you do. I expect great things from each of you. So don’t let us down – don’t let your family or your country or yourself down. Make us all proud. I know you can do it.

Thank you, God bless you, and God bless America.

personal update

2009-09-03T20:49:00.003-05:00

OK, time to talk about something else, I don't want this blog to just be about politics, and don't want it to always be a debate.

Maybe a little personal update. (If you're not interested in that, I won't be offended if you stop reading here).

I left Convergence two months ago. It's been an interesting time. I've kept in touch with a couple of my closer friends there, but haven't communicate with most of the people. I miss them. But I also find myself hesitating to reach out.

I'm grieving. Letting go of some people, my job, my primary focus. It's kind of like when a relationship ends. Even if you know it was the right thing, it still hurts. you still miss the other person, but at the same time you try not to think about them too much, and although part of you wants to see them, you know it would hurt, so you keep your distance.

That's where I am. I am teaching at a local learning center, working with kids preparing to take the SAT. I enjoy the one-on-one nature of the teaching; getting to know some neat kids.

I umpired one baseball game, hoping to get a lot more in the next few weeks.

I have enjoyed spending more time with my children. We spent the day at Kings Dominion today, it was wonderful. Nothing has ever given more joy than my kids--I love playing with them, watching them experience and enjoy life, laughing, reading, talking, singing, dancing. It's great.

We're winding up the day with another chapter of our John Hughes film festival, watching the second half of Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Good stuff.

the non-apology apology

2009-08-28T15:26:00.003-05:00

I was going to write a blog post about the lame, "I apologize if..." non-apology that we hear so much these days. The latest was Congresswoman Lynn Jenkins. She got into hot water by saying, "Republicans are struggling right now to find the great white hope."

When word got out, and she realized how racist her statement was, she offered this,

"I was unaware of any negative connotation, and if I offended anybody, obviously, I apologize," Jenkins told the Lawrence Journal-World. (bold mine)

So what you're saying is, if no one was offended, then you withdraw your apology?

Anyway, I was going to keep going, but then found this by Jim Buzinski, written several years ago, that beautifully says what I was thinking:

Apology Not Accepted: Let's Stop the Trend of "Non-Apolgy Apologies"

David Gushee on health-care reform

2009-08-25T23:07:00.002-05:00

Great piece from David Gushee on the health-care reform debate:

The national debate raging over health-care reform has become a maelstrom of competing claims and counterclaims. It has been deeply infected by political demagoguery and hysteria.

The tenor of the debate raises the legitimate question as to whether our nation still has the capacity to tackle an enormously complex policy challenge such as this one. Each day we spend millions of dollars to defeat external threats -- but if we cannot address our own domestic problems any more effectively than this, then it will not be al Qaeda that undoes us.

The primary Christian interest in health-care reform is the moral imperative to extend adequate health care to all of our nation’s people. Why is health-care access a moral imperative? Choose your Scripture text or your moral theory, but they all point in the same direction:

(read the rest here)

health-care debate

2009-08-20T13:52:00.004-05:00

It's amazing how people can look at something and see two completely different things.

Watch Glenn Beck and Rachel Maddow one night; are these two even on the same planet?

Please, people--READ! Be informed! Don't just buy into the black and white rhetoric of either side. I am in favor of the reform being proposed. I don't think the current plan is the perfect answer to everything; but neither will it trigger the apocalypse, which is what many seem to think. Here are some great places to get some info:

Health-care misinformation: Big Numbers (by Mark Silva)

Health-care Reform: check the facts

Health-care resources from Sojourners

I read this in an article about the protests going on at town hall meetings. I know she's only 12, but I'm sure she is repeating what he was told by adults:

Another protester, 12-year-old Micah Vandenboom, was there with her parents.

She held a sign that made clear her opposition to the president's health-care reform plans.

"Under Obama, everyone will get the same health care, that's socialism," she said. "It has failed in other countries, you know, like Europe."

God forbid we try a system that treats people equally.

Great piece on immigration

2009-08-15T12:46:00.003-05:00

Panelists offer theological foundation
for immigration debate

By Ken Camp

NORMAN, Okla. (ABP) -- Baptists cannot deal with immigration biblically and ethically until they understand a basic stewardship principle: everything -- including the privilege of living in a particular country -- is a gift from God, said a panelist in a luncheon discussion held in conjunction with the New Baptist Covenant regional meeting in Norman, Okla.

"It all belongs to the Lord," said Javier Elizondo, executive vice president and provost at Baptist University of the Americas. "Democratic capitalism can flourish only when there is a consciousness of whom everything belongs to."

Elizondo said many Americans need the same reminder the nation of Israel required after they left bondage in Egypt and entered the Promised Land.

"Do not oppress the alien, because your ancestors were immigrants and aliens," he said.

Another panelist said Christians need to change their vocabulary when discussing volatile issues surrounding immigration.

"When we talk about 'us and them,' we are on the wrong side of the gospel," said Tom Ogburn, pastor of First Baptist Church in Oklahoma City. "It's not about 'us and them.' It's about us."

"We need to move past the language of marginalization to the language of inclusion," Ogburn said.

Richard Muñoz, director of the Immigration Service and Aid Center (ISAAC) program jointly sponsored by the Baptist General Convention of Texas and Buckner Children & Family Services, said Christians can faithfully observe both the New Testament mandates to obey legal authority and to welcome the stranger.

"I don't believe Romans 13 and Hebrews 13 are mutually contradictory," he said.

Muñoz, an attorney, said most undocumented immigrants in the United States entered the country legally but did not return home when their temporary visas expired. "We are trying to help immigrants comply with the law -- not break it," he said.

Suzii Paynter, director of the BGCT Christian Life Commission, told the audience to expect a cluster of immigration-related legislation to be introduced at the national level when Congress returns to work after an August recess.

She reported that Sen. Charles Schumer (D-N.Y.), chairman of the Senate Immigration Subcommittee, recently outlined seven principles that will form the basis for legislation he plans to introduce. They are:

-- Illegal immigration is wrong, and the goal of comprehensive immigration reform must be to curtail future illegal immigration.

-- Operational control of the borders through increases in infrastructure, technology and border personnel must be achieved within one year of enactment of legislation.

-- A biometric-based employer e-verification system with tough enforcement and auditing is needed to discourage illegal aliens and provide a certain and simple approach for employers.

-- Currently undocumented aliens living in the U.S. when legislation is enacted either must quickly register with the government and submit to a rigorous process of converting to legal status and earning a path to citizenship or face deportation.

-- Family reunification should be a cornerstone value of the immigration system.

-- Encourage the best and brightest to come to the U.S. as immigrants and create new technologies and businesses that will employ American workers, but discourage businesses from using immigration laws as a way to obtain temporary and less-expensive foreign labor to replace American workers.

-- Create a system that converts the current flow of unskilled illegal immigrants into the U.S. into a more manageable and controlled flow of legal immigrants who can be absorbed by our economy.

Paynter pointedly underscored an observation made earlier by Ogburn, that too often "conversations about immigration and about race become the same conversation."

When Paynter arrived in Norman, she said she picked up a packet someone anonymously had left for her at the registration desk. The envelope was filled with materials supporting white supremacy.

Paynter said some of the debate about immigration issues is colored by "a real fear of the loss of power and privilege."

back to baseball

2009-08-12T20:41:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow is a day for which I've waited seven years.

In July 2002 I umpired my last baseball game. For five years, baseball was a huge part of my life. I worked 3 or 4 days a week, from March through November. I loved it. I loved the game, the kids, the excitement, the drama...I loved the friends I umped with, drinking beer and grilling brats after games, going to Razoos for drinks, retelling all the stories of our games...

Those last years in Texas, teaching and umpiring, were some of the best of my life. In 2002 I moved back to VA, got married, started a family, and went back to school. There just wasn't time for baseball. Each spring, when I drive by the local high school and see games going on, I feel a painful longing.

But now, with the changes in my job situation (not having one) baseball is a great opportunity for good part time work. So tomorrow night I umpire a game of 15 year-olds in Ashburn. The baseball probably won't be very good, and I'll be a little rusty, but I am so excited to get out there.

what to write

2009-07-27T21:42:00.003-05:00

Haven't written since last week. I feel I should, but don't want to. Don't want to be to self-focused, but what the heck, it's my blog.

Pretty up and down these days. Being home with my family has given me wonderful time with my kids. In the last week we went to Kings Dominion, visited my parents at their camp on the Shenandoah River, swam in our neighborhood lake, danced, played football (Cash is a natural), read stories, made lots of great food, and went to church together at New Hope...

I am grateful for my family, that's really where my identity is these days, and that's good. but it's still a hard change.

For years, I was a pastor, and not just a pastor, but a pastor of a really cool and exciting church community. I loved my job, loved the people I worked with, and cared for, and hung out with. My identity was very tied into that job.

And now that I'm not there, a big part of my identity is kind of missing, or unclear. And the bottom line is that I'm grieving the loss of a ministry, and a lot of relationships that I am beginning to miss.

I will stay close with a few people at Convergence, but will drift away from most of them. I'm sad, but not depressed. I have really seen God work, and felt God's presence, and I am excited about the future (graduating Leland next spring, getting back into baseball--I umpire my first game in 7 years in 2 weeks, trying to read and write more).

But I know I will grieve the loss and change for a while as well. Fortunately, I'm not alone--my family is wonderful, my friends are great, and basketball season is not far away (Go GMU).

I feel pretty good tonight; so I'm gonna close and go to bed.

healthcare arguments

2009-07-22T20:55:00.004-05:00

some comments from people on facebook about President Obama's press conference tonight on healthcare reform:

He is full of it...and I don't know how Americans are so stupid to listen to him.

definitely totally full of crap, and I hate listening to the man, but I do because I want to know what he said so that I can refute it all!!! Grrr!!!

Obama's words don't match reality. If he's so concerned about the deficit, why did he spend trillions of dollars we didn't have.

I think responses like these show how self-centered we are as Americans. It's obvious the system is a mess. I have a hunch that most of the people who are complaining about the possible changes have the means to get good healthcare. They are getting what they want; so they are fearful of any change.

The problem with that attitude is that it doesn't consider those who can't afford healthcare. It baffles me how so many Christians just want to keep things the way they are going, especially financially--again, I think it's because they have what they need. They don't want taxes to go up. They don't care that the gap between rich and poor is growing.

How can anyone read the New Testament, especially the words of Jesus, and not take seriously the call to do EVERYTHING POSSIBLE to help, give, care for others, live lives of simplicity?

I'm not advocating socialism or communism, but where do we find Capitalism encouraged in the NT?

Perhaps if the church were really living out the principles of Jesus, really giving away our wealth, sacrificing, seriously caring for the least of these; we wouldn't need the government to take action like this.

The Guys' Rules

2009-07-20T21:46:00.005-05:00

got this from Jamie a while ago...don't know who wrote them, but great job!

We always hear "The Rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note; these are all numbered "1" on purpose!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon and the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport; and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! OBVIOUS hints do not work. JUST SAY IT!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question we ask.
1. Come to us with a problem ONLY if you want help in solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant to the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. All men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, we scratch it. Simple.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...REALLY.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know I have to sleep on the sofa tonight.
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

vacation ramblings

2009-07-10T16:37:00.005-05:00

Bellingham, WA

We're coming down to the home stretch of vacation--several activities this weekend for Jamie's 20 year high school reunion. We fly home next Tuesday. It's been a great vacation so far--very relaxing, good time with family and friends, time to think and enjoy my wife and kids, do some reading and writing.

I am looking forward to getting home and getting back into some routine. I am hoping to start doing some part-time work soon--umpiring baseball, something I loved doing when I lived in Texas.

Also looking for full-time work (something low-stress--the focus this fall will be on school).

There is a lot of work to do on the house and yard that I haven't had time for; hope to get some of that knocked out as well...

last night Jamie and I had dinner with her sister L and L's husband C. We always have fun with them, they are such great people. We ate a great Italian/Seafood restaurant called Mambo Italiano in Bellingham.

A lot of our conversation was about the birth of our kids--C and L have an adorable 13 month-old son. It was so nice to relax with great food and wine, and share our lives and stories with each other.

We are talking about moving out to Washington in the next couple years; I love it out there, and see great opportunities for ministry. It would be a beautiful place to raise our kids. We've actually been thinking and praying about it for a few years; now it seems the time is getting close (I'll finish my MDiv next spring).

I love Virginia--but life there feels so rushed and crowded and pressure-filled. Life in the Northwest seems a little slower, more relaxed. I love the mountains and the small towns and cities north of Seattle--would love to work in or near Bellingham....

OK, enough rambling today. On a spiritual note, the trip has helped me slow down and listen for God; especially in the conversations with people around me. It has been encouraging. Nap time is almost over, so I'm going to spend time with my boys.

who am I?

2009-07-03T15:56:00.003-05:00

for the last three years, a large part of my identity has been found in my job, my ministry. I was pastor of a really amazing, innovative church that is breaking new ground and doing some things that will influence both church and culture.

Now I'm unemployed. I'm not looking for pity. I mean, I'm sitting next to a window in Burlington, WA, looking out on a beautiful back yard--trees, sunshine, flowers, while the rest of my family naps. It feels good to not have the stress I've been feeling for a while. It's great to be on vacation.

I am excited to get busy with school and look for some work that is low-stress. I'm also eager to spend more time with God--listening, praying, reading and writing. Anyone in ministry knows what a challenge it is to keep a healthy, intimate relationship with God.

I've done OK over the last three years, but not as well as I'd like. I'm looking forward to slowing down, spending some time in silence, and getting more dedicated to writing.

I'm also trying to lose some weight. I used to umpire high school baseball in Texas; I'm planning to get back into it (it's great part-time money and a lot of fun). I got out my old gear the other day and realized I need to order new pants or lose about 15 pounds fast.

So 5 days ago I went on a fast from sweets (I'm addicted to chocolate). No cookies. No ice cream. No candy. this is really hard---I can be stuffed after a meal, but don't feel like I can stop until I've had something sweet for dessert.

Yesterday we were out sightseeing and stopped in a little cafe on a river. Everyone else got ice cream; I had some cherry tomatoes. I feel lighter already.

I started off talking about identity. Since resigning my church that feels more complicated. I'm not a pastor anymore. I am a husband, father, student, writer, umpire, friend. seems like a pretty good list to me.

If you're still with me, thanks for reading as I did some self-therapy today. I hope you are well.

farewell at Convergence

2009-06-29T09:58:00.002-05:00

Last night was my last at Convergence; the service was basically a time to honor and thank me. It was very touching and encouraging to hear so many people share how I have impacted them. I felt very blessed.

I wish I had copies of everything everyone said--it was really beautiful. Here is a poem my friend Mike wrote during the service:

Todd
of short hair
and long temper

stretching himself
every day
from Stafford
to here
and back again

endurance
to push and pull
to plug away
to make a way

leading from the heart
loving from the gut
both family,
and family of faith

shepherd
soft and hard

It hasn't really sunk in yet that I won't be going to work at Convergence anymore. I am at peace with the decision, and excited about the future, but I will miss seeing so many people on a regular basis. I am only letting those feelings in a little at a time; it's too much to face all at once.

I have done some little things to move on--changing my info on websites and blog...strange to be unemployed...

But I know many of those friendships will continue; so many people at Convergence have become a big part of my life.

Now I need to get busy preparing for our vacation--lots to do.

my rambling thoughts on thursday's passings

2009-06-27T13:11:00.006-05:00

I really had to wait a couple days; couldn't really get my mind around the deaths of Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson. I'm feeling really old right now.

When I was 11, watching Charlie's Angels was the highlight of my week. I was in love with Farrah. I had that poster on my wall; probably all the way through high school. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen; and was the first to stir some strange new feelings in me.

I followed her career, and was glad that she had some later success. I thought she got kind of strange in her later years, but always appreciated her spirit.

Michael Jackson--wow. I'm still in shock. He was as big as they come. His music, along with a few other artists, created the soundtrack for my first 20 years. I remember watching the Jackson 5 Saturday morning cartoon when I was 6 or 7. I remember dancing to the Off the Wall album at high school dance parties.

Thriller provided the biggest music for my senior year in high school. Dances, parties, "Billie Jean" and "Beat It" blasting from boom boxes and car stereos.

Michael Jackson was the artist that everyone listened to--no matter what color you were or which crowd you ran with. He was one of those people you felt connected to, because of the music.

I remember the day Elvis died--where I was and what I was doing when I heard the news (at my friend Michael Brown's house, working on our bikes in his backyard). That night my next door neighbor Paul sat on his back patio and got drunk while blasting Elvis songs on his stereo.

That was big, but Elvis was from my parents' generation. Michael Jackson was ours.

I heard about Michael Jackson on a plane that had just landed in Chicago; another passenger had turned his phone on and received a text with the news. I couldn't believe it. I still can't.

I didn't care much for his music in later years, and felt he had become so bizarre that I couldn't really connect with him anymore. He seemed like such a sad person--not really the same one I had listened to years before.

But I will always remember the little boy with amazing talent, and the young man who broke down barriers and helped us to party and celebrate life. I've been listening to his music more the last few days than I had in years. It brings back great memories, and helps me both celebrate his life and grieve his death.

Thanks Michael and Farrah, I hope you are at peace.

the funniest show you've never seen

2009-06-17T20:02:00.004-05:00

Mr. Deity is an amazing web show--really one of the funniest things I've seen--better than most of what you see on TV. Brian Keith Dalton, the creator, writer, director and star is hilarious.

Now, those of you who don't like your Christianity to be the subject of comedy may be offended; but the show does make you think, and raises some good questions.

Mr. Deity just began its third season. Brian and his cohorts recently began a second show, Words, that is as funny as Mr. Deity. You can check them out through the website or subscribe on YouTube.

important announcement--transition time

2009-06-15T08:21:00.000-05:00

Below is the announcement I made at Convergence last night:

The past three years have been a wonderful journey--I am honored and grateful to be a part of such an amazing community. My family and I are at a time of transition, and believe this is the time to step out of my role here at Convergence.

I am resigning as co-pastor effective June 30. There are several factors that have influenced my decision--please know that none of them have anything to do with the people of the Convergence community. I love each of you and hope our friendships will continue.

Living an hour from Convergence is a huge challenge. We had hoped to move closer, but the economy has made that impossible. Because we're so far away, it is difficult for my family to be as involved as we would like to be. We hope to find a faith community closer to home where we can all be involved.

My primary ministry gifts are teaching and pastoral care. While those gifts have helped us build a healthy sense of community, they don't match as well with what Convergence needs to grow and increase its influence, and we all want what is best for Convergence.

From the beginning, we knew Convergence would be a community marked by innovation, change, and experimentation. I am confident that the staff, the advisory team and the trustees will work together to create an effective plan to move forward and achieve even greater success through this transition.

As hard as it is, this is what is best for my family, and I think this will be a positive for Convergence as we strive to involve more people in leadership, and continue to multiply people and ministries.

My focus will shift to completing my Master of Divinity degree at the Leland Center for Theological Studies next year. At the same time, my family and I will be praying and looking for the next steps in our journey.

I will miss being at Convergence, and will miss the people here tremendously. I am grateful for the ways you have supported and encouraged me over the past three years. I want to thank Lisa, the advisory team and everyone in the Convergence community for their support and encouragement.

I'll be in the office most of this week if you would like to stop by. Next week I will be in Grand Rapids, Michigan, representing Convergence at the Calvin Institute of Christian Worship Symposium.

June 28 will be my last Sunday; I hope it will be a time of celebration of what God has done and what God will do in our lives and the life of Convergence.

Thank you for the opportunity to be a part of such a wonderful endeavor. I will always cherish the relationships and accomplishments of the past three years, and will pray that Convergence continues to break new ground and make a positive impact in our community.

Sincerely,

Todd Cullop
tcullop@gmail.com
703-599-0532

P.S. After June 19, please send all Convergence communication to office@convergenceccf.net. You can reach me at tcullop@gmail.com.

Stories Seldom Told

2009-06-14T21:05:00.006-05:00

Stories Seldom Told
by Bud Hensgen

I participated in SPARK recently--an artistic project where writers and visual artists pair up and create work inspired by one another.

My friend Bud and I worked together. Above is his original piece, Stories Seldom Told. Below is the poem I wrote in response.

I.
My life is messy.
Sometimes it feels like I’ve accumulated
a century’s worth of memories in half that time.

Those memories are contained, ordered,
like stories on a page.
Sometimes I read them, and let my imagination take me back,
carefully.

But on occasion they jump off the page, and come alive,
and suddenly they’re reading me.
It’s frightening, and a little fun
as they surround me and fill me.

I relive the embarrassing moments;
the times I felt famous
or ashamed
or loved.

The truth swirls and flows and is hard to get hold of.
What happened blends with what I wish happened,
or what I fear happened.

I remember the feelings more than the events.
I see the faces of the characters
but often can’t remember their names.

Imagination picks up where memory leaves off,
And the stories grow over the years.

I want to keep my life, my past, my story
neat and linear:
”Look how I’ve grown through the experiences!”
All of it working step by step to create the man I am today.

As if my commendable resume reflected my actual life.
As if I were the man others see.

But who I am today has little to do with orderly growth.
It’s from a lifetime of mistakes, failures, blunders;
with occasional victories that I fell into more than I orchestrated.
Blessings that I don’t deserve.

My good choices have multiplied.
My poor ones minimized.
I’ve been damn lucky.

II.
In all of this mess and marvel of my life,
there is one memory, one story
that I keep fighting off.

I try to beat it away.
I run and hide.
I beg and plead.
I fill my mind with anything else I can think of,
But sooner or later, it always comes back,
big and cold and blood red.

So I remember.
I cry and confess and pray to forgive myself.
I lie there, empty and weak
as my tears carry the weight away.

The story is still there, but it’s a little lighter.
It lets me breathe.
I look through it and around it at the rest of my life,
and see the beauty and joy that have come since.

The pain I feel is more like a punch in the gut
than the complete beating it used to be.
And I can live with that.

I don’t want it to go away completely,
for as much as I hate that story,
it is mine.

I can’t wish it didn’t happen,
because without it, I would not be.

So I keep my story, deep down, seldom told, but always there.

my first poem in like 30 years

2009-06-01T10:58:00.004-05:00

I wrote this for SPARK; a really cool partnership between writing and visual arts.

Dad’s Hand

I sit beside his bed,
not looking at the tubes pumping artificial life into his body.
I reach out and hold his right hand
once full of strength, now still and soft.
I wrap my hands around it, and remember
this hand that has so shaped my life.

I was no more than a toddler, walking through a green park,
holding my arm straight up so my hand could reach his.
He lifted me to his shoulders, on top of the world.
The height scared me, but I knew I was safe,
his powerful hands wrapped around mine.

A few years later those rough, tanned hands taught me the manly acts
that he said I must learn.
Throwing and catching, sanding and hammering,
shooting and fishing and building a fire.

But as I grew older, those hands turned on me.
They pounded tables and threw things and backhanded me.
I began to fear the hands I once adored,
and soon I wanted nothing to do with them, or the man.

He pushed me away with his hands and his heart,
And those hands became a memory.

But as we both grew older, we learned to give and receive forgiveness,
and start again.
A letter here, a conversation there, an awkward visit at Christmas.
I no longer feared those hands, or the man.
And with a second chance, I learned to love him, and his hands, again.

He was not affectionate, but I hugged and kissed him anyway,
and in time he hugged me too, those strong hands around my back.

Those same hands held a Bible as he read about love in my wedding.
They played with my daughter as he learned to be a grandfather.
They unwrapped presents as we spent his last Christmas together.

And now I sit in this bright room, with that clean but unpleasant hospital odor.
I realize for the first time that our hands are the same size.
Now I’m the one holding his hand in mine,
hoping for movement, but there is none.

I talk about the memories—hunting, camping,
baseball games and beach vacations;
drinking Dr. Pepper from tall glass bottles.

“Don’t be afraid, Dad,” I tell him. “I’m here, and it’s OK.”
I kiss him and touch his face and squeeze his lifeless hand.
And then his hand moves in mine, his fingers reaching out.
It’s a tiny movement, his last, but it’s everything.

God and Country?

2009-06-01T06:42:00.002-05:00

Thomas Nelson publishers has a new Bible: "The American Patriot's Bible."

Jim Evans has a great story on this. Here is an excerpt:

Billed as "The American Patriot's Bible," the Nelson folks have put together a volume of the Bible that presents Scripture in the context of American history. In a promotional piece, spokesman Richard G. Lee wrote, "Joining with the sacred text are stories of American heroes, quotations from many of America's greatest thinkers and beautiful illustrations that present the rich heritage and tremendous future of our nation. If you love America and the Scriptures, you will treasure this Bible."

The pages of this new Bible are also filled with pictures celebrating America's military history. In fact, according to one critic Kaylor talked to, it was shocking to see pictures of military activity featured at the beginning of the Gospels.

Greg Boyd, author of "The Myth of a Christian Nation" and also senior pastor of Woodland Hills Church in St. Paul, Minn., said, "When you consider the uniform and emphatic teaching of Christ and the New Testament authors that followers of Jesus are called to love and do good to our enemies, laying down our lives for them if necessary, this overt celebration of America's violent victories over our national enemies is absolutely stunning."

Greg Boyd, mentioned above, wrote a great blog post about this.

Thoughts anyone?

rough week

2009-05-30T23:20:00.004-05:00

just realized it's been a couple weeks since I wrote. This past week was the third most difficult week that I can remember. (1 was the week my father died after a 10 day hospital stay, 2 was the week I decided to leave Texas in 2002).

Can't say much now--more info in a couple days...but it was a rough week. Lots of prayer, conversation, seeking counsel, looking back, looking ahead, asking questions...

I haven't slept well, haven't eaten much.

But the one solid (besides God--and he and I are still wrestling through some stuff) has been my family. Jamie has been wonderful, and my kids give me more joy than I ever imagined possible.

Home has really been a place of safety and love; and I am so thankful for that!

Today was particularly rough--I dreamed of my father last night. Dad died 5 years ago--I can't believe that much time has gone by. In the dream I was with him. I remember knowing that it was a dream, but that was OK, because in the dream I could talk to him, and hear his voice, and touch him.

I miss my dad. I wrote a poem about him recently; I'll post it soon.

tonight, however was pretty great. My friend David hosted a party, inviting his Convergence friends and friends from other circles in his life. It was a great time; got to meet and talk to some really neat people. thanks David!

if you're still reading, thanks for checking in.

President Obama's address at Notre Dame

2009-05-19T05:59:00.001-05:00

Following is a transcript of President Obama’s commencement address at the University of Notre Dame on May 17, 2009, as released by the White House:

Well, first of all, congratulations, Class of 2009. (Applause.) Congratulations to all the parents, the cousins -- (applause) -- the aunts, the uncles -- all the people who helped to bring you to the point that you are here today. Thank you so much to Father Jenkins for that extraordinary introduction, even though you said what I want to say much more elegantly. (Laughter.) You are doing an extraordinary job as president of this extraordinary institution. (Applause.) Your continued and courageous -- and contagious -- commitment to honest, thoughtful dialogue is an inspiration to us all. (Applause.)

Good afternoon. To Father Hesburgh, to Notre Dame trustees, to faculty, to family: I am honored to be here today. (Applause.) And I am grateful to all of you for allowing me to be a part of your graduation.

And I also want to thank you for the honorary degree that I received. I know it has not been without controversy. I don't know if you're aware of this, but these honorary degrees are apparently pretty hard to come by. (Laughter.) So far I'm only 1 for 2 as President. (Laughter and applause.) Father Hesburgh is 150 for 150. (Laughter and applause.) I guess that's better. (Laughter.) So, Father Ted, after the ceremony, maybe you can give me some pointers to boost my average.

(Read the rest here)

snarky thoughts on worship (sorry)

2009-05-17T11:00:00.005-05:00

From a friend's facebook on a Sunday morning:

"The band is rocking over 100db today. I love it. Can't wait to see what else God brings today."

Does this seem kind of bizarre to anyone else? No offense to my friend--he and his church are doing incredible things. I used to love the type of worship that they are doing (and I'm sure God did do some great things in their worship).

But I think that "worship" in many churches has become not much more than a rock concert with songs about God, paired with a message that helps us live a better life. There is a sense that worship happens when we rock it out, and sing songs that lead people to emotional highs (or lows).

I'm also concerned that if you don't play an instrument or sing; there is no place for you in worship. think about that. somehow we've created a system where in churches of hundreds of people, with hundreds of gifts, only a few of them are invited to do more than watch and listen and sing along (in an atmosphere so loud, they can't hear themselves).

I don't mean to complain. We don't have it all figured out, but we're trying to expand our understanding of worship so that everyone can participate. We're learning that this means worship looks radically different, and takes a lot of work.

Mothers Day poem--Billy Collins

2009-05-11T06:45:00.002-05:00

I know I've posted a couple Billy Collins's poems recently; but here's one that is perfect for Mothers' Day (or the day after Mothers' Day). It's also great to hear Billy reading his own work.

"The Lanyard" - Billy Collins

The other day I was ricocheting slowly
off the blue walls of this room,
moving as if underwater from typewriter to piano,
from bookshelf to an envelope lying on the floor,
when I found myself in the L section of the dictionary
where my eyes fell upon the word lanyard.

No cookie nibbled by a French novelist
could send one into the past more suddenly—
a past where I sat at a workbench at a camp
by a deep Adirondack lake
learning how to braid long thin plastic strips
into a lanyard, a gift for my mother.

I had never seen anyone use a lanyard
or wear one, if that’s what you did with them,
but that did not keep me from crossing
strand over strand again and again
until I had made a boxy
red and white lanyard for my mother.

She gave me life and milk from her breasts,
and I gave her a lanyard.
She nursed me in many a sick room,
lifted spoons of medicine to my lips,
laid cold face-cloths on my forehead,
and then led me out into the airy light

and taught me to walk and swim,
and I, in turn, presented her with a lanyard.
Here are thousands of meals, she said,
and here is clothing and a good education.
And here is your lanyard, I replied,
which I made with a little help from a counselor.

Here is a breathing body and a beating heart,
strong legs, bones and teeth,
and two clear eyes to read the world, she whispered,
and here, I said, is the lanyard I made at camp.
And here, I wish to say to her now,
is a smaller gift—not the worn truth

that you can never repay your mother,
but the rueful admission that when she took
the two-tone lanyard from my hand,
I was as sure as a boy could be
that this useless, worthless thing I wove
out of boredom would be enough to make us even.

stressed

2009-05-10T12:11:00.002-05:00

it's mothers day; the rest of the family is off to Newport News for A's soccer game. I'm sad not to be with them; but am getting some work done in a quiet house before heading to church...

yesterday I was running some errands, and had a long drive through country/farmland. it was a beautiful day--and a really peaceful drive.

I was thinking, praying, reflecting--and I realized that these days I am stressed most of the time. I don't like that. I was thinking back to life before family and pastoring and a mortgage and cars that don't run. I was rarely stressed. (I was poor and selfish, but pretty relaxed.)

I don't want to change my life--I love my family more than anything, love Convergence, (and hoping for a new car soon)--but I want--no need--to be less stressed. thinking about some ways to address that--yoga, better job scheduling prayer and silence, exercising.

something to think about...

Is President Obama a Christian?

2009-05-08T20:28:00.004-05:00

A friend sent me a message in response to my post on the National Day of Prayer, with a different thought...wondering whether the President is really a Christian; and stating that they thought the President was moving our nation towards secularism. I want to honor my friend's anonymity, but thought I'd share my response:

I understand your perspective--but I think we sometimes have different ideas of what a Christian should do to prove their faith in a particular role.

President Bush claimed to be a Christian, often quoted Scripture, and usually lined up with what the religious right wanted. But I felt that his use of Scripture was usually done to support his actions--including acts of war and violence that I believe were often un-Christian. He often misquoted and misinterpreted (and I think twisted) scripture to give support to his arguments.

I thought it was very interesting than in an interview after he left office, he said this when asked if the Bible was literally true:

"You know. Probably not. ... No, I'm not a literalist, but I think you can learn a lot from it, but I do think that the New Testament for example is ... has got ... You know, the important lesson is 'God sent a son,"' Bush said.

He also said that he prays to the same God as those with different religious beliefs.

"I do believe there is an almighty that is broad and big enough and loving enough that can encompass a lot of people," Bush said. (From a Fox News interview)

I imagine many evangelicals cringed at these comments. I was glad to hear them; I think they were honest.

I know that many question Obama's faith because of his views on abortion. While I don't completely agree with him there; that's not enough to make me question his faith. I don't think we can use any one issue as a litmus test. (I'm not saying you are doing this--but I know many who do).

I have read Obama's books, and I believe Obama wants to serve and help and care for all people. I think he is for peace and health and opportunity for all people. These are values that line up well with Jesus, in my opinion.

As for his faith, I think we start with his own words:

"So one Sunday, I put on one of the few clean jackets I had, and went over to Trinity United Church of Christ on 95th Street on the South Side of Chicago. And I heard Reverend Jeremiah A. Wright deliver a sermon called "The Audacity of Hope."

"And during the course of that sermon, he introduced me to someone named Jesus Christ. I learned that my sins could be redeemed. I learned that those things I was too weak to accomplish myself, He would accomplish with me if I placed my trust in Him. And in time, I came to see faith as more than just a comfort to the weary or a hedge against death, but rather as an active, palpable agent in the world and in my own life.

"It was because of these newfound understandings that I was finally able to walk down the aisle of Trinity one day and affirm my Christian faith. It came about as a choice, and not an epiphany. I didn't fall out in church, as folks sometimes do. The questions I had didn't magically disappear. The skeptical bent of my mind didn't suddenly vanish. But kneeling beneath that cross on the South Side, I felt I heard God's spirit beckoning me. I submitted myself to His will, and dedicated myself to discovering His truth and carrying out His works." [Speech, 6/23/07]

As for his moving the country toward secularism; perhaps. I don't think he is a fan of the religious right, and its exclusivity. (Neither am I, as I'm sure you know).

But even as a Christian, he is the President to all people, regardless of beliefs, and in that role, has a responsibility to represent them all equally. So I don't think he's moving towards secularism, but toward inclusiveness and equality.

I have a diverse group of friends in the Church, with a wide range of perspectives. I'm learning to share and listen--without feeling like I've got to argue or convince others that we are right.

so I hope I don't come across as argumentative. I feel strongly about my opinions, but realize others do too, and want to respect that.

national prayer day

2009-05-08T07:30:00.000-05:00

ok, it's been a while since i got into anything controversial; but here goes. Evangelical Christians are up in arms because President Obama did not have an official white house ceremony for the National Day of Prayer.

The white house issued a statement that the President would spend time in prayer as he does each day, and the president issued a proclamation about the National Day of Prayer. But Republican Congressman Randy Forbes, co-chairman of the Congressional Prayer Caucus, said, "Hopefully we'll have millions of people around the country that will make up for the void we see at the White House on the National Day of Prayer."

Void? It appears to me that many people are more concerned with this being a public event than they are with people actually praying. Personally, I'd rather have a president who prays than one who tells others to pray.

Also ironic that many of those upset are baptists, or at least evangelicals, who advocate separation of church and state. It seems that when some people talk about this separation; they want government to leave their religion alone, but they should be allowed to insert their religion into government.

we should pray and love and act to influence people with the love of Jesus, not force it upon them through government sponsored events. Instead of complaining, blogging, facebooking, and calling news conferences to complain about how terrible it was to not observe this event publicly--how about spending that time PRAYING!

And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.
--Matthew 6:5-6

my birthday

2009-05-08T07:00:00.001-05:00

yesterday was my 44th birthday. I think. Jamie sent out evites for a birthday party next week that said I was turning 43. She blamed it on me; said I told her so. But I refuse to take the blame--I mean, I'm confused...it's her job to not be confused (anyone know the movie reference there?)

It was a great day. It started with an early breakfast with Josh at McDonald's. Josh is one of my best friends--we always have a great time. we talked for a couple hours and could have gone on, but I needed to get home. we watched the first couple episodes of an internet show called Words. (You've got to check it out--incredibly funny.)

When I got back Brady greeted me at the door. Jamie and Cash were in bed--he was up at 7 but had fallen back asleep.

Brady and I had breakfast--it was a wonderful time. He was in a good mood--smiling and laughing as we munched on Captain Crunch. Halfway through breakfast he reached out and pulled my arm toward him, then hugged me for a minute. Those are the best moments.

I spent most of the day with the boys while Jamie and Ashley were out. We wrestled, bowled in the hallway, read books, listened to Johnny Cash and Bruce Springsteen, watched the greatest basketball game ever played (GMU over UConn, 2006)...it was a great day.

I got some rare one-on-one with Cash; he woke up from his nap before Brady. I took him into our room and we lay down on the bed next to each other. Then he climbed up on my chest and lay down on top of me; another beautiful moment.

I watched the movie The Wrestler while the boys napped; very powerful--fantastic performance by Mickey Rourke.

After the ladies were home and the boys were in bed, Jamie, Ash and I started to watch a movie together. I was hoping to enjoy some time with them, but I fell asleep during the movie. what can I say, I'm middle aged.

It was an exhausting day; but a great one. happy birthday to me.

another great poem from Billy Collins

2009-04-27T15:45:00.002-05:00

I Chop Some Parsley While Listening To Art Blakey's Version Of "Three Blind Mice"

And I start wondering how they came to be blind.
If it was congenital, they could be brothers and sister,
and I think of the poor mother
brooding over her sightless young triplets.

Or was it a common accident, all three caught
in a searing explosion, a firework perhaps?
If not,
if each came to his or her blindness separately,

how did they ever manage to find one another?
Would it not be difficult for a blind mouse
to locate even one fellow mouse with vision
let alone two other blind ones?

And how, in their tiny darkness,
could they possibly have run after a farmer's wife
or anyone else's wife for that matter?
Not to mention why.

Just so she could cut off their tails
with a carving knife, is the cynic's answer,
but the thought of them without eyes
and now without tails to trail through the moist grass

or slip around the corner of a baseboard
has the cynic who always lounges within me
up off his couch and at the window
trying to hide the rising softness that he feels.

By now I am on to dicing an onion
which might account for the wet stinging
in my own eyes, though Freddie Hubbard's
mournful trumpet on "Blue Moon,"

which happens to be the next cut,
cannot be said to be making matters any better.

Billy Collins

Joel Stein Contemplates Circumcision (For His Son)

2009-04-23T06:49:00.000-05:00

Great piece from Time:

Joel Stein Contemplates Circumcision (For His Son)

By Joel Stein

I knew having a child would force me to examine my life, but I didn't expect to have to start with my penis. When my wife and I found out we were having a boy, everyone asked if we were going to circumcise him. All I knew was that circumcision is something the U.S. does and Europe doesn't and is therefore awesome. Our penises are clean and sleek and new like Frank Gehry skyscrapers, while theirs are crumbling, ancient edifices inhabited by fat old men in hats.

But when I thought about it, there was something disturbing about the fact that someone had chopped off part of my penis — a part that not only had nerve endings and a protective function but also could have made me look bigger. When I presented these arguments to my lovely wife Cassandra, she told me to shut up. Her argument was largely based on aesthetics and involved a lot of detailed talk about the surprising number of men she had dated. It's hard to win a debate when you're busy covering your ears and singing to yourself.

I argued that our son would not feel embarrassed either way, since compared with American babies in the 1960s, when 90% got snipped, about half of newborns are now deforeskinned — and only about 30% of California infants. I went on Facebook to ask if being made fun of in the locker room was apocryphal. What I learned is that even Facebook users disapprove of making parental decisions on Facebook. And kids probably don't make fun of one another, since the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that only 69% of circumcised and 65% of uncircumcised adolescents know which one they are. Also, you don't need to be Don Rickles to respond to someone's mockery of your foreskin with a casual "Dude, why are you staring at my penis?"

All I knew was that this is clearly not a decision I should be making for another human being. What school he attends, what he eats, which bouncy seat he should bounce in — sure. Whether to alter your genitals for aesthetic reasons is a question meant for your mid-20s at Burning Man.

Still, I knew this decision was going to be made now or never, so I started asking every medical professional, woman and gay man what kind of penis they preferred, which, to my shock, got me a lot of dinner invitations. Though there seemed to be a slight aesthetic preference for not wearing a hat and a slight functional preference for keeping one on, no one had a really good argument for giving your baby plastic surgery. A pediatrician told me the sole reason he circumcised his son was so that the kid looked like him. If my son looks at my penis and the biggest difference he notices is foreskin, I have far more serious problems. Plus, if I wanted my son to look like me, I wouldn't have worked so hard to marry someone better-looking than I am.

It turns out, though, that there's an enormous group of people who would argue passionately for my son's foreskin. Francis Crick and Jonas Salk were among the Nobel laureates who signed a petition to the World Court to end circumcision. The last week of March was Genital Integrity Awareness Week, which included a march from the White House to the Capitol, which, while not far in miles, is an eternity when measured in baby foreskins. This cause is so real, it has its own ribbon. There's even a group called Jews Against Circumcision, made up almost exclusively of Jews whose parents no longer talk to them.

The antisnipping crusaders argue that the ancient Greeks rejected this violent tribal custom of the Jews and Muslims; hardly anyone practices it anymore besides those groups and Americans. They argue that the Jews created it as a way either to exclude women from their club or to ritualize the sacrifice of the firstborn male. They say it was brought to the U.S. in Victorian times only as a means of reducing masturbation by limiting sensation, in what has to be the biggest failed medical experiment in history.

Cassandra would not hear any of this. She felt strongly that our son should feel Jewish and that when she bathes him, she shouldn't have to touch his penis too much. And then last month, a study from Africa showed that circumcision greatly reduces the chances of catching a sexually transmitted disease. And I had lost my argument.

So in a few weeks, I'm going to buy some bagels, call a mohel who is also a pediatric surgeon and believes in local anesthetic, and do something that I'm pretty sure is wrong. I have a horrible feeling that all of parenthood is like this.

Forgetfulness by Billy Collins

2009-04-08T13:12:00.003-05:00

borrowing the idea from my friend Julie, here is a wonderful (and frighteningly appropriate) poem from my favorite poet, Billy Collins:

Forgetfulness

by Billy Collins

The name of the author is the first to go

followed obediently by the title, the plot,

the heartbreaking conclusion, the entire novel

which suddenly becomes one you have never read, never even heard of,

as if, one by one, the memories you used to harbor

decided to retire to the southern hemisphere of the brain,

to a little fishing village where there are no phones.

Long ago you kissed the names of the nine muses goodbye

and watched the quadratic equation pack its bag,

and even now as you memorize the order of the planets,

something else is slipping away, a state flower perhaps,

the address of an uncle, the capital of Paraguay.

Whatever it is you are struggling to remember,

it is not poised on the tip of your tongue

or even lurking in some obscure corner of your spleen.

It has floated away down a dark mythological river

whose name begins with an L as far as you can recall

on your own way to oblivion where you will join those

who have even forgotten how to swim and how to ride a bicycle.

No wonder you rise in the middle of the night

to look up the date of a famous battle in a book on war.

No wonder the moon in the window seems to have drifted

out of a love poem that you used to know by heart.

differences

2009-04-02T14:44:00.007-05:00

OK, I'm writing again. Although I'm afraid it's been so long that there is no one left to read. Nonetheless, I'm going to try to get back in the game.

I came across this from Andrew Perriman at Open Source Theology:

I’m very conscious of the fact that pretty much all of our divisions and disagreements arise because we find it almost impossible - emotionally - to choose one path through the forest without denigrating all those who choose to follow a different path.

This is something I've been thinking and talking about when it comes to Convergence. This dream that we can be a faith community made up of people with different ideas, different interpretations, different takes on issues, different callings and passions.

I had lunch with a friend and Convergence member last week. We have different perspectives on an issue facing churches these days. I told her my hope was that she and I could tell each other our perspective without feeling the need to convince the other to agree; that we could listen and seek to understand one another; that we could be open to the possibilities of another perspective; and live and fellowship and serve in community, even when we don't agree.

As a pastor, I don't want to build a church where everyone agrees with me (I'm well-aware that I'm often not right!) But I do want a church where people are free to explore, dialog, hold and share different opinions, perspectives and interpretations; and that the common ground is to know and experience and love and reflect Jesus.

Cullop year-end letter

2009-01-02T23:29:00.000-05:00

2008 was a wonderful year. Ashley (13) was transformed from a pretty girl into a beautiful young lady. In the spring she was selected to play soccer on the Stafford Falcons in the classic division. The team made it all the way to the championship before losing in a shoot-out 4-3. In both the quarterfinal and semifinal games, Ashley scored the winning goals. Recently she was selected to play on the Fury, a Fredericksburg travel team, starting in the spring.

Ashley continues to do well in home-schooling. She participates in a co-op with friends and competes in a home-school bowling league. She still reads all the time. She is active in the youth group at New Hope, and does a lot at Convergence (where Todd pastors) as well.

Brady (2½) is talking all the time, and has wonderful manners. He says “please” and “thank you,” says “bless you” when someone sneezes, and often answers “yes sir,” to both me and Jamie (we just can’t get him to say “yes, ma’am!”). He also loves to pray.

Brady loves being outside, playing games on the computer (at Playhouse Disney) and watching Disney movies (Cars is his favorite.) He loves music; I’ve now got him yelling “Bruuuce” when a Springsteen song comes on. His favorite song is John Lennon’s “Beautiful Boy;” I sing it to him and he calls it our song. Brady also sings the “ABC Song” all the way through.

Cash (15 months) also loves music—We often have dance parties when Jamie and Ash are out—the boys and I dance to the Imagination Movers—a great band who plays kids’ music.

Cash is walking, and trying to talk. He follows Brady and imitates his big brother. He loves to play with toys that require him to do something—push buttons, take things apart and put them together.

Both boys love their grandparents. Grandma Helen (and sometimes Grandpa Jerry) comes down to watch them once or twice a week. Brady has always taken to Grandpa Jerry; Cash is definitely a Grandma’s boy. Both boys really took to Grandma Vicki, Grandma Dee and Grandpa Lyle in Washington. They are lucky to have such great grandparents!

Jamie has done wonderfully with Stampin’ Up this year. She has been doing more demonstrations, shows and parties; and really has a blast. Thanks to her, we’re sending Christmas cards for the first time in years. She has made over 100 beautiful cards for us and for her customers. I’m hoping she can keep growing her business and who knows, maybe in a couple years I’ll become a stay-home dad!

Todd is busy with work, but his schedule is flexible so he gets to spend some time with the kids each day, and is usually home for at least two full days a week. Convergence is doing well, we have built a great sense of community, and we’re growing and building great relationships with artists.

We all got to do some traveling this year—Todd went to Faith and Arts events in New York, Austin, and Grand Rapids for work; and took his annual trip to Richmond with his college buddies for the CAA basketball tournament, which George Mason won!

Jamie went to VA Beach for Stampin’ Up, Williamsburg and Richmond for home-school events, and Las Vegas to celebrate her birthday with her mom.

In July we took a road trip to Nashville; Lake Martin, AL; and Atlanta to see family and friends. We also flew to Washington State to spend Thanksgiving with Jamie’s family.

Life is fun, challenging, very busy and never dull. We are very blessed with our family, two great church communities, and more wonderful friends than we can name. Thank you for your love and support—we’re always up for visitors!

Much love,

Todd, Jamie, Ashley, Brady, and Cash

Phyllis Tickle; The Great Emergence

2009-01-01T19:40:00.003-05:00

January 1st. New Years Day. Like many others; I'm going to try to do a better job of writing this year. and reading. two things I don't do near enough.

I have made a lot of progress cleaning out the clutter in my home office. is it obvious I don't really have much to say today?

I'm sick with a cold; not thinking real clearly, don't have much creativity. so I'll stop, and share something good from Phyllis Tickle. I just ordered her new book, The Great Emergence:

Apparently and for some not-very-clear reason, it is incumbent upon the faithful in every new epoch or changing era of Christian history to re-define what we mean when we use the words "church" and/or "Church." But even if some strenuous re-thinking and re-stating had not been required during history's previous turning points, it none the less would be required for emergence Christianity. There is no question about the fact that this time around everything-whether sacred or secular and with no holds barred-is up for scrutiny and that most of everything, once scrutinized, is up for re-defining, including "church" and/or "Church."

For quite some time now, analysts and pastors and observant Christian laity alike have known and said that church is not a place, nor is it a thing. Historically, church was probably conceived of in the popular imagination as a thing several centuries before that same shared imagination began to think of it as a place. Of those two, the notion of place as definition is probably the more debilitating, but unquestionably it had also come to be the more dominant of the two during the last century. But as a conceptual definition, neither place nor thing alone is strong enough to support much vitality beyond loyalty to itself.

you can read the rest of her post here.

update

2008-12-15T16:47:00.003-05:00

I'm completely ashamed that it's been a month since I wrote. Crap. I keep saying I want to write more, but life never slows down and I forget, and put it off, and suddenly it's a month later.

It's been a good month. We had a great vacation to Washington (state) to see Jamie's family. My brother-in-law Chad got us tickets to the Redskins--Seahawks game (the only game the Skins have won in quite a while).

The kids got to see and play with cousins; it was great.

Work is good, it's been a busy month, but will hopefully slow down during the holidays.

I'm going to update stuff on the blog--books, movies, etc.

I have been keeping up with facebook more; look for me there. As always, I'll try to write more soon!

Keith Olberman on Prop. 8

2008-11-15T14:52:00.002-05:00

I encourage you to check this out--video and transcript of Keith Olberman's impassioned comment on Proposition 8.

My purpose in posting this is not to promote debate, or even discussion (although I'm open to it). I'm not asking you to tell me what you think. (I already know how most of my friends think about this issue--funny how I have friends who really love God on both sides of this issue). I'm just encouraging you to listen. and think. and pray.

President-Elect Obama's Victory Speech

2008-11-05T00:27:00.002-05:00

If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible; who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time; who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer.

It's the answer told by lines that stretched around schools and churches in numbers this nation has never seen; by people who waited three hours and four hours, many for the very first time in their lives, because they believed that this time must be different; that their voice could be that difference.

It's the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Latino, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled - Americans who sent a message to the world that we have never been a collection of Red States and Blue States: we are, and always will be, the United States of America.

Its the answer that led those who have been told for so long by so many to be cynical, and fearful, and doubtful of what we can achieve to put their hands on the arc of history and bend it once more toward the hope of a better day.

Its been a long time coming, but tonight, because of what we did on this day, in this election, at this defining moment, change has come to America.

I just received a very gracious call from Senator McCain. He fought long and hard in this campaign, and he's fought even longer and harder for the country he loves. He has endured sacrifices for America that most of us cannot begin to imagine, and we are better off for the service rendered by this brave and selfless leader. I congratulate him and Governor Palin for all they have achieved, and I look forward to working with them to renew this nations promise in the months ahead.

I want to thank my partner in this journey, a man who campaigned from his heart and spoke for the men and women he grew up with on the streets of Scranton and rode with on that train home to Delaware, the Vice President-elect of the United States, Joe Biden.

I would not be standing here tonight without the unyielding support of my best friend for the last sixteen years, the rock of our family and the love of my life, our nation's next First Lady, Michelle Obama. Sasha and Malia, I love you both so much, and you have earned the new puppy thats coming with us to the White House. And while she's no longer with us, I know my grandmother is watching, along with the family that made me who I am. I miss them tonight, and know that my debt to them is beyond measure.

To my campaign manager David Plouffe, my chief strategist David Axelrod, and the best campaign team ever assembled in the history of politics - you made this happen, and I am forever grateful for what youve sacrificed to get it done.

But above all, I will never forget who this victory truly belongs to - it belongs to you.

I was never the likeliest candidate for this office. We didn't start with much money or many endorsements. Our campaign was not hatched in the halls of Washington - it began in the backyards of Des Moines and the living rooms of Concord and the front porches of Charleston.

It was built by working men and women who dug into what little savings they had to give five dollars and ten dollars and twenty dollars to this cause. It grew strength from the young people who rejected the myth of their generations apathy; who left their homes and their families for jobs that offered little pay and less sleep; from the not-so-young people who braved the bitter cold and scorching heat to knock on the doors of perfect strangers; from the millions of Americans who volunteered, and organized, and proved that more than two centuries later, a government of the people, by the people and for the people has not perished from this Earth. This is your victory.

I know you didn't do this just to win an election and I know you didnt do it for me. You did it because you understand the enormity of the task that lies ahead. For even as we celebrate tonight, we know the challenges that tomorrow will bring are the greatest of our lifetime - two wars, a planet in peril, the worst financial crisis in a century. Even as we stand here tonight, we know there are brave Americans waking up in the deserts of Iraq and the mountains of Afghanistan to risk their lives for us. There are mothers and fathers who will lie awake after their children fall asleep and wonder how they'll make the mortgage, or pay their doctors bills, or save enough for college. There is new energy to harness and new jobs to be created; new schools to build and threats to meet and alliances to repair.

The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep. We may not get there in one year or even one term, but America - I have never been more hopeful than I am tonight that we will get there. I promise you - we as a people will get there.

There will be setbacks and false starts. There are many who won't agree with every decision or policy I make as President, and we know that government cant solve every problem. But I will always be honest with you about the challenges we face. I will listen to you, especially when we disagree. And above all, I will ask you join in the work of remaking this nation the only way its been done in America for two-hundred and twenty-one years - block by block, brick by brick, calloused hand by calloused hand.

What began twenty-one months ago in the depths of winter must not end on this autumn night. This victory alone is not the change we seek - it is only the chance for us to make that change. And that cannot happen if we go back to the way things were. It cannot happen without you.

So let us summon a new spirit of patriotism; of service and responsibility where each of us resolves to pitch in and work harder and look after not only ourselves, but each other. Let us remember that if this financial crisis taught us anything, its that we cannot have a thriving Wall Street while Main Street suffers - in this country, we rise or fall as one nation; as one people.

Let us resist the temptation to fall back on the same partisanship and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our politics for so long. Let us remember that it was a man from this state who first carried the banner of the Republican Party to the White House - a party founded on the values of self-reliance, individual liberty, and national unity. Those are values we all share, and while the Democratic Party has won a great victory tonight, we do so with a measure of humility and determination to heal the divides that have held back our progress. As Lincoln said to a nation far more divided than ours, We are not enemies, but friends, though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection. And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn - I may not have won your vote, but I hear your voices, I need your help, and I will be your President too.

And to all those watching tonight from beyond our shores, from parliaments and palaces to those who are huddled around radios in the forgotten corners of our world - our stories are singular, but our destiny is shared, and a new dawn of American leadership is at hand. To those who would tear this world down - we will defeat you. To those who seek peace and security - we support you. And to all those who have wondered if Americas beacon still burns as bright - tonight we proved once more that the true strength of our nation comes not from our the might of our arms or the scale of our wealth, but from the enduring power of our ideals: democracy, liberty, opportunity, and unyielding hope.

For that is the true genius of America - that America can change. Our union can be perfected. And what we have already achieved gives us hope for what we can and must achieve tomorrow.

This election had many firsts and many stories that will be told for generations. But one thats on my mind tonight is about a woman who cast her ballot in Atlanta. Shes a lot like the millions of others who stood in line to make their voice heard in this election except for one thing - Ann Nixon Cooper is 106 years old.

She was born just a generation past slavery; a time when there were no cars on the road or planes in the sky; when someone like her couldnt vote for two reasons - because she was a woman and because of the color of her skin.

And tonight, I think about all that shes seen throughout her century in America - the heartache and the hope; the struggle and the progress; the times we were told that we cant, and the people who pressed on with that American creed: Yes we can.

At a time when womens voices were silenced and their hopes dismissed, she lived to see them stand up and speak out and reach for the ballot. Yes we can.

When there was despair in the dust bowl and depression across the land, she saw a nation conquer fear itself with a New Deal, new jobs and a new sense of common purpose. Yes we can.

When the bombs fell on our harbor and tyranny threatened the world, she was there to witness a generation rise to greatness and a democracy was saved. Yes we can.

She was there for the buses in Montgomery, the hoses in Birmingham, a bridge in Selma, and a preacher from Atlanta who told a people that We Shall Overcome. Yes we can.

A man touched down on the moon, a wall came down in Berlin, a world was connected by our own science and imagination. And this year, in this election, she touched her finger to a screen, and cast her vote, because after 106 years in America, through the best of times and the darkest of hours, she knows how America can change. Yes we can.

America, we have come so far. We have seen so much. But there is so much more to do. So tonight, let us ask ourselves - if our children should live to see the next century; if my daughters should be so lucky to live as long as Ann Nixon Cooper, what change will they see? What progress will we have made?

This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment. This is our time - to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American Dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth - that out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope, and where we are met with cynicism, and doubt, and those who tell us that we cant, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people:

Yes We Can. Thank you, God bless you, and may God Bless the United States of America.

no baseball

2008-11-02T22:58:00.002-05:00

The pic is old; but I like it. John and Kenny at the Nationals final home game of the season, which was rained out. We didn't get to watch baseball, but had some good beer and food.